Remembrance
by KeepSaying
Summary: After an attack on her life Jane wakes up in the hospital with retrograde amnesia dating back twenty years. Five parts story.
1. 2 - 6 am

**A/N:** Soo.. I've been working on this for three weeks now and after I realized it wouldn't turn out to be the drabble I originally planned for it to be, my working title for this was "that long ass story" which is basically what this is. Thank you, Ishd, for telling me to just keep writing, otherwise I think I would've thrown this idea out at like 8k words. We're at 27k words so far.

The reason why this took me so long to update is the fact that I wanted to have this mostly down before putting it out there because my schedule is crazy and I didn't want to keep you waiting for long. I should be able to post all five parts of this over the course of a week.

Since they were originally written as a oneshot, the cut usually won't make much sense but I didn't just put one 30k thing out there in one piece, so I tried to make do with what I wrote.

Now, I'm sorry for this long ass A/N introducing this long ass story. I'm feeling rather nervous about posting this after working on it for so long. But I'm done now! I hope you enjoy this and I'd love to hear what you think :)

* * *

 **Remembrance**

 _A Day in the Life of an Amnesiac_

 **2 a.m.**

He had left the room for a maximum of five minutes, to see a doctor and use the toilet, but as soon as he closed the door to the bathroom behind him he heard a shrill scream that made the blood in his veins freeze and his heart stop. He would know that voice anywhere.

"What have you done?"

Kurt heard his wife scream just when he rounded the corner and found several nurses and the doctor hurry into the room. He tried to follow them but a small hand on his bicep stopped him dead in his tracks.

"She just woke up", Patterson told him quietly and he looked down at her, his gut clenching when he saw her trembling lips and her evasive eyes.

"What happened, Patterson?", he asked through gritted teeth, trying to breathe through the cold cage that his torso seemed to have become and failing spectacularly. He needed to get in there, to be by her side, but something in his friend's voice made him pause.

Finally the blonde met his gaze and he could see the unshed tears in her eyes as she pressed her hands to her mouth to suppress a sob.

"What. Happened."

His jaw was hurting from the force he gritted his teeth with and he felt the vein on his temple pulse rapidly, his mind throwing around the most horrible scenarios. She was awake, right? He had heard her voice so that meant she was alive. What could possibly have happened for that not to be a good thing? What could have Patterson crying so hard? If she hadn't spoken up again in that very minute, he would've burst in there but her weak voice held him in place.

"She doesn't… She doesn't remember, Kurt."

Suddenly his world stopped spinning and he felt himself go weak at the knees. Never, not once since he had heard the scream, had he thought that that was what Patterson was afraid to tell him. He had feared that she wouldn't wake up from the coma the doctors had put her into after surgery or that she would never fully walk again but never had he considered that she wouldn't remember him.

"What?", his voice broke after the meek sound left his lips and his whole body trembled, held upright only by Patterson's arm that held onto him once more and the wall he was leaning more and more against.

"She woke up and Tasha was sitting with her but when she came to she couldn't recognize her and she freaked out, jumped out of the bed", Patterson told him equally shaken, "She ripped her IV out in the process and wouldn't let Tasha calm her down. And.. she keeps asking for Roman."

"So what is this?", he wanted to know, trying to sound stronger and more collected than he felt, hoping against hope that the answer would present a solution attached to it because he couldn't wrap his mind around there not being a solution to this.

To his surprise it wasn't Patterson who answered him but the doctor coming out of Jane's room, her hair tousled and her cheeks slightly flushed.

"Retrograde amnesia", she told them calmly, taking a step back when both special agents whirled around to face her so fast they almost tumbled over each other.

"We sedated her", she answered their unspoken question, "We couldn't calm her down enough for her to listen and she was risking her health, so we had to give her something strong enough that would. Your friend is still with her but you can go in too. Her vital signs are back into the normal range, no lasting damages as far as we could tell from the stunt she pulled."

Both of them nodded their head and Kurt realized his feet were dragging him back into her room before the conscious thought had formed in his head. Together they entered the room where his wife was lying in a hospital bed too big for her small and beaten form. Tasha was sitting on the chair to her right, clutching to the tattooed, and when she looked up he saw her tearstained face.

Patterson went over to her right away, stepping behind her to rub her arms gently, soothingly, but Kurt was frozen in place, his body refusing to cooperate as he took her face in. The peaceful look she had had for the three days that she had been lying in coma was gone, instead there was a tiny frown right between her eyebrows as if she was in pain.

"What is retrograde amnesia?", he managed to choke out eventually and even his feet responded again, carrying to his wife's lifeless form. He stood over her, caressing her cold cheek ever so gently and a shimmer of hope blossomed in his heart when her face relaxed at her touch.

"Retrograde amnesia, in contrast to anterograde amnesia, means a loss of memory from before her trauma", the doctor explained, "Sometimes that means forgetting everything and sometimes the amnesia only reaches back a few years and everything before that would be completely intact. We have no way of knowing how far back the memory loss reaches but since she's asked for a name, I would say not everything is lost."

Kurt nodded but he couldn't form a coherent thought, thankful when Tasha asked the most urgent question.

"But she's going to be fine, right? This isn't permanent?"

"Sadly there is no guarantee in a situation like this", the doctor told them evenly and Kurt felt his head start shaking of its own accord, too engrossed in his own mind to grasp the next sentence.

Patterson's raised voice pulled him back into reality.

"We know exactly how she's going to react!", the blonde practically yelled, only quietening down with an apologizing look to her unconscious friend, "And she doesn't have memories to fall back into from a few years back", she managed to say more calmly, "Her memory has been wiped four years ago. She only got glimpses of her life before that and I doubt that any of them are actually good. And Roman… we can't get him here to talk her out of it."

"Zeta interacting protein", Tasha explained quietly, "Her system was flooded with it and she didn't remember anything at first. Roman is her brother, the one person she has had throughout her life, so there's no way of knowing in what time she's stuck and they're not exactly on good terms right now."

The doctor whose eyes had gotten bigger with every word that had left the women's mouth seemed to find her footing again at the last sentence and nodded in understanding, trying to sound hopeful. "A lot of times our patients and their relatives haven't talked in years and sometimes this is what brings them back together. I would advise you to try to seek him out because he might be the only thing helping her to hold on should this be permanent."

"So it doesn't have to be?", Kurt looked up at her last words, "You mean this could only be temporarily?"

Slowly the doctor nodded, "Sometimes in cases like these the patients start slowly regaining their memories within the next two days but they also might never remember at all."

He knew that she was trying to break to him as gently as possible that his wife might never remember him again but his mind clung to the first part of the sentence. Anything else would simply be too horrible to grasp. Why would this happen to her? To them? What god on this earth would agree to something like that?

Kurt had to actively try to swallow his anger when he felt his muscles clench, his whole body put into fight or flight, because he needed to keep a clear head for Jane. Jane was all that mattered right now. Everything else, his anger at the universe, would have to wait until she was better.

"So we wait", he told the doctor, dropping down on the chair next to the bed, sandwiching Jane's left hand between his two bigger ones, "We wait until she wakes up again and I'll talk to her and then we'll ask her how much she remembers."

* * *

 **3 a.m.**

He felt the tiniest twitch of her hand in his and immediately his eyes shot up, finding hers halfway opened and blinking in confusion.

"Where am I?", she croaked out, jerking her right hand from the bed to rub her aching throat.

In that moment he was so glad she hadn't made him loosen his grip on her other hand that he almost forgot all that he had planned to say to her in his head for the past hour. Sitting more upright very slowly, as to not scare her, he started opening his mouth but she beat him to it, panic rising in her voice with every new questions.

"Where's Roman? Who are you? What happened?"

Her big green eyes darted through the room, looking for the nearest exit, and he was thankful that she still seemed too out of it to scramble out of bed again.

"Ja-", he started to say only to cut himself off, remembering that _she_ wouldn't remember that name. "I need you to stay calm, can you do that?", he asked her very slowly, "You probably don't remember me. You've been in an accident and…", he choked on the sob that tried to fight its way up his throat, "You lost your memory and we don't know yet how… how many years you've lost."

"No", her weak voice that still sounded stronger than he felt cut him off, "No. No no no. I need to find Roman, he's my brother. If I was in an accident then he has to be here. He's going to be lost without me… please!" Her pleading eyes found him but before he could think of something to say, her green eyes widened in terror and suddenly she pulled both her hands to her stomach. "Did I lose the baby?"

His heart broke even more as he watched tears form in her eyes only to be replaced by another wave of shock when she looked down at her hands to find them covered in tattoos. "I.. What happened to me?", he heard her faint whisper just before her eyes fell on the delicate wedding band on her hand and she stared at him wide-eyed once more, finding his ring finger.

"Are we married? Where's my child? Where's Roman?"

"You didn't lose your child", he told her softly, glad he could take some of her pain from her eyes but it was a small help knowing that he would have to hurt her again, "But she's 18 years old now. She's waiting at home for us. We have been married for almost three years and Roman.. he can't be here right now.."

"Is he alright? Is my baby alright? She's a girl? I.. I lost all these years with her…" A tiny sob almost escaped her lips but she pressed her lips together so hard, slugging it down.

"Hey", he tried to interrupt her building anxiety attack, "Please try to stay calm. The doctor told us, this might be only temporary or… not", he felt his voice break when he saw her eyes close in pain, "I'm going to tell you everything I know, okay? But it's a long story… and not all of it is happy. A lot of it isn't…"

"You know about my upbringing?", she interrupted him, her eyes seeming to test him and he didn't know what she found in them but she stayed on alert. "Prove it."

"After that, you'll let me ask something?"

She gave a quick jerk of her head and crossed her arms in front of her chest, waiting for him to speak again.

With a soft sigh he nodded and started talking with as soft of a voice as he could muster up, trying to keep himself from reaching out to her.

"You were born in South Africa, your parents were killed by the Apartheid regime and you and your brother Roman were taken to an orphanage where you were trained to become child soldiers. Back then you were still Ian and Alice and you had a coin that you would hold on to, the last thing you had from your parents."

He was watching her intently as he spoke, trying to gauge her reaction, unable to keep his eyes from welling up with unshed tears when she kept clenching her fists laying on top of her stomach, her eyes so unsure and broken and scared.

"When the Apartheid fell American soldiers came to free the children, placing them with foster families in the US. You were taken in by one of the soldiers, Ellen Briggs, who you called Shepherd and changed your names to Remi and Roman."

"I told you all that?", her voice was full of wonder, "I never thought I'd tell anyone… What… what happened?"

"A lot", his voice broke, "And I'm going to tell you all that I know of, I promise but", he met her eyes, trying to convey all of his emotions in them, hoping she would still be able to read them like she always had, "Can you.. Do you really not remember me at all? Can you.. Can you try to.. I don't know."

Hope left him when her eyes, still trained on him, stayed devoid of any recognition. He let his head drop to the hospital bed, staying far away from her body to not make her uncomfortable. What had he been hoping for? That she would take a look at him and her love for him would cut through her medical condition?

This was not one of those damn movies where love conquered all.

Hell, he didn't even know if their story would ever get a happy ending. Everything that happened seemed to drive them further apart. Maybe this was fate telling him that he didn't deserve someone like her, that he was too much like his father to ever have a family of his own. Maybe this kind of love just wasn't in the cards for him.

He had started shaking with sobs, unable to keep it in anymore and not finding a reason to even try. It didn't matter anymore, did it? He would try to be strong for her after this but he needed to… he had to let it out. But he wouldn't burden her with it.

Kurt was about to push his chair back to leave the room until he'd be able to calm down again when he felt the feather- light touch of her hand on his skin and held his breath as tender fingers ran down the scrape of his neck gently, moving to his short hair.

"You really love me", she stated quietly and he felt compelled to nod but couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes, he couldn't stand the emptiness in them.

"Would you look at me?"

He was about to shake his head when she added a "Please" so softly that he wouldn't have heard it hadn't she leaned in closer.

Slowly, scared of what he would find, he ordered his body to raise his head and look her in the eyes. She was searching his face for something and he wasn't sure what she would find, it terrified him.

As if in slow motion her hand fell from his neck and he was already missing the contact but then she reached out to run her fingers over his hand that was still resting next to her and once more his breath caught in his throat as his mind took him back to the first time they had met and her shaky fingers had first run over his stubble. He had felt the electricity even then, had felt the heat she radiated and that he couldn't pull himself away from. It had scared him then, had made him feel uncomfortable.

Now, when she raised her hand to cup his cheek gently he didn't try to fend her off but leaned into her touch, closing his eyes at the familiar gesture. Her voice brought him back into the hospital room with her, her green eyes looking right into his soul.

"You feel familiar", she told him and it wasn't much but it was more than he had dared to hope for. "I feel safe with you. I've never felt safe with anyone."

The wonder in her eyes made his heart ache.

"I love you so much, Jane."

The familiar name left his lips without a thought and suddenly she tensed, her hand fell from his face and she eyed him suspiciously.

"That's not my name", she pointed out coolly before once more confusion took over her features, "Is it?"

"It's a really long story."

The demand in her voice was exactly like the strong woman he had always known. "Then tell me."

And so he did.

* * *

 **4 a.m.**

He told her everything he could think of and when she followed up on something with her own questions he told her that as well.

He told her about everything he knew before she came to them and followed up with the story of how she wound up in Time Square. He tried not to let the occasional gasps and painful shudders keep him from telling her the whole thing and every once in a while he thought he had seen a flicker of recognition in her eyes, especially when he was talking about Roman.

He told her how they had stopped Sandstorm and how Roman had turned against them after she had wiped her memory and held her hand when a sob escaped her lips at his words.

He told her about their wedding and their house in Colorado. And about the bounty on her head that had made her run.

He told her about how he had chased her and how he had found her, about the new tattoos that she couldn't see and about how happy he had been when he got her back.

He told her about Roman's game, about his lies and about Avery. He didn't leave out how much he had hurt her nor how she had come back home to him.

He told her everything and when he was done his throat was dry and the sun was already rising, peeking out behind the tall buildings and brightening the clean hospital room, warming their faces. He held his breath then, not sure what she would say next, if she'd even believe him.

"I'm Jane", she whispered under her breath, meeting his eyes, "Jane Weller."

He nodded but didn't dare to interrupt her train of thought.

"You're my husband. And Avery is my daughter… she's 18 years old… And she doesn't hate me for giving her away?"

"No, she doesn't. You had a rocky start but you're on good terms now. She's very worried about you but couldn't stay at the hospital the whole time so she went back to our apartment, so she'd see you the minute you get back."

Jane nodded slowly, frowning but unsure how to phrase what was on her mind. "How can you still love me after everything I've put you through?", she wanted to know finally, "Why are you still here? You had the opportunity to leave all of this mess behind you… I didn't remember anything. I think I've got a glimpse of you here and there but you could've just left. Why didn't you?"

Taking her left hand in his very carefully, he threaded his fingers through hers, rubbing his thumb over the ring on her finger. "Because you're my wife", he told her, "And I love you. And no matter how hard everything between us was… That has always been enough for me. You didn't hate me for … for what I did and I could never hate you. Somehow we managed to forgive each other for everything that happened and it is all worth it to have you in my life."

She stayed quiet for a moment, taking it all in, watching their interlaced fingers. "I think I feel some of that. I think I might remember… I hope… I want to remember all of this. I want to remember us and Avery and…" her voice broke and he wasn't sure she'd continue.

"Right now I only have a few distant memories and one clearer one", she said quietly, "I'm guessing it's the only one I regained after I got injected with that drug. I remember our childhood, the orphanage and the coin… Not much of our adoptive mother.. Shepherd? But I remember being pregnant." Once more her hands found her stomach, coming to rest right above the burning rose.

"And I remember Roman being with me and we were both so scared but he had managed to go to town one day without being tailed and when he got back he gave me this tiny onesie. It was pink and so soft and had fluffy ears on the hood and I told him that I didn't even know if the baby was a girl but he was so sure it would be", she swallowed the lump in her throat before continuing, "He spent all of his pocket money on that onesie and I remember how much I love him and how I feared for the both of us. I can't believe he's not in my life anymore. I want to… no, I need to apologize to him for what I did to him."

"Jane", Kurt's soft voice got through to the static noise that seemed to take over her head, "He just sent someone to kill you. He's the reason you're in the hospital right now."

Glaring at him she shook her head forcefully, "He's lost… Roman has always been so pure and so afraid and so loyal… I need to try to make amends with him. And I want to meet my daughter. And I want to ask someone if there's a way to get my memories back."

"Okay", he nodded, "We'll ask the doctor as soon as she gets here and then we'll go home, okay? And we'll try to find a number to call Roman on. I'll do whatever you need me to do. I'm on your side, Jane."

Frowning at him in confusion she huffed in frustration. "How do you know how to calm me down? How do you always know the right thing to say?"

"Because I know you", he replied sincerely, the corners of his lips turning up ever so slightly.

* * *

 **5 a.m.**

"I will let you leave the hospital but only under a few conditions."

Jane wasn't even listening anymore, already throwing the white blanket off of her to reveal the hospital gown she was still wearing. Thankfully Kurt held her back slightly and took note of what the doctor was saying to both of them.

"You won't do any sort of straining physical activity. That includes running, lifting heavy and even taking the stairs to the third floor."

Kurt saw the eye roll Jane tried to hide from the doctor and simply nodded, feeling as ready as she did to finally leave this room behind him. But not before he knew what he had to do to take care of her.

"For the first 24 hours you always have to have someone else present and the second you start feeling lightheaded or get a headache don't hesitate to come back here, alright?"

The both nodded in unison and the woman seemed happy enough about that.

"I'll give you an appointment for tomorrow for a last check up and to talk to you about your first night back home. Do you have any more questions?"

"I do", Kurt spoke up, seeing Jane sigh in impatience from the corner of his eyes, "Are there any things we need to keep in mind regarding nutrition? Or any other signs apart from headaches to watch out for?"

"Well, as long as she eats and drinks enough I don't think you'll have to worry about that", the doctor told him friendly, "The headaches are the most predominant symptom but if your wife should feel ill in any other way it would be better to clarify what that is about in the hospital as well."

He nodded in agreement, "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Turning to Jane she added, "Hopefully I'll see you tomorrow, Mrs. Weller. Take care of yourself and should you be worried, don't hesitate to ask the people around you. I'm sure your husband will provide you with all the information you need but you need to be patient with yourself. Progress, especially with something like this, needs time."

The second the doctor left the room, Jane pushed the blanket away and threw her legs over the side of the bed to stand up. And the second she stood, clutching her side as pain shot through it, Kurt was by her side, an arm wrapped firmly around her waist.

"She just told you to take it easy", he nagged her gently, "And your chances of getting out of here are a lot better if you don't faint after the first step."

"Fine", she grumbled, finding herself leaning into him more heavily. The heat his body radiated warmed something inside her that she couldn't quite grasp and she felt her stomach flutter at his tender touch. She couldn't put her finger on it, couldn't picture an actual scene of them actually standing together like this, but she knew that she had spent a lot of moments tugged to him just like this. If only she could remember… But the doctor had told her that the feeling of recognition was a very good sign and so she tried to stay positive.

Patience, she reminded herself, as she soldiered on to the bag with her clothes with Kurt by her side.

As they worked to dress her together in silence, she let her mind wander in the hope of finding something other than the memories from her childhood that could give her an inkling as to what was expected of her. She had already learned enough about her husband to know that he would never pressure her into doing something.

Kurt watched her hang onto her own thoughts as he helped her slip into her jeans and put on her socks and shoes for her so she wouldn't have to bend down. He only decided to interrupt her when he saw a familiar frown appear on her forehead.

"What ya thinking about?", he asked as kindly and non-threatening as he could.

"I- oh", she looked up, biting her lip as she looked down on her body that was still partly undressed, showing off the tattoos on her stomach and arms. For a moment she got lost inside the delicate drawings but, shaking her head, she tried to snap out of it.

"I was thinking about Avery", she finally told him, fumbling with her hands to have something to do. "When we get home….what am I supposed to say to her? How can I forget my own daughter? For the second time… How.. I don't even know her."

"Do you want me to tell her to come by later", he wanted to know softly, reaching for her hands and covering them with his, waiting for her to look up.

She thought about that for a moment before she shook her head, "No. I want to see her so badly but I just… I'm so scared to meet her and not remember her. I don't want to hurt her more, you know? I know it hurts you that I can't remember you but I remember the feeling of you", her cheeks turned a bright shade of pink when she met his eyes now. "What if I don't remember her at all?"

"You remember being pregnant, don't you?", he asked, stepping closer to her, lacing their fingers together once more, waiting for her to nod. "And you already loved her when you were pregnant. You remember that, right?"

Again she nodded only for the nod to change into a shake of her head midway. "But it's not the same thing."

"Yeah, Jane", he smiled, "It's exactly the same thing. You loved your child back then and you still love her now. She just happens to be 18 years old but the two of you managed to bridge that gap once already. You'll do it again."

"Freaking optimist", she murmured and grinned up at him sheepishly through her dark lashes when she realized he had heard that. With one more huff she pulled back one of her hands from his and put her index finger on his chest, right over his heart, in determination. "Okay optimistic husband of mine, then you have to get me up to speed on everything concerning my daughter. And help me pull on that shirt."

"Of course, ma'am", he replied, his heart feeling lighter than it had in days.

Jane watched him as he helped her pull the cloth over her head, all the while telling her everything about her daughter that she wanted to know. Calling him her husband had felt oddly satisfying and it was just another tiny piece she could add to the mounting pile of puzzle pieces in her mind that she still had to made complete sense of. Or maybe his were the only puzzle pieces that made sense at all.

* * *

 **6 a.m.**

He had slung her bag over his shoulder and watched her take everything in on their way to their apartment. Sometimes he thought he had seen her recognize something and she had stopped to look at it more closely, but most of the time she had stepped back again, shaking her head in a heartbreaking discontent that she tried to keep from him.

They were standing in the elevator now and he could feel her getting nervous with every floor they passed, holding on to the rail at the side, staring up at the slowly moving digits.

"Five", she uttered just as the elevator came to a halt on their floor. "I had a feeling it would be the fifth floor. Why is it not the fifth floor?"

"Breathe", he told her, letting her step out of the lift before catching her hand to pull her closer to him, holding her gaze with his, "You need to stay calm, okay? It's only a floor number. Now you know you live on the third floor, it's not the end of the world. It will come back."

"What if it won't?", her voice was so soft he barely heard it, "What if I'll never remember any of it? What if I've completely forgotten… again? My mind is like a coarse sieve and everything just slips through the holes."

Her eyes were darting back and forth rapidly and he knew exactly what she was going to do and he knew exactly how he had always managed to calm her down before. He had done it a few days after they had met when he was still supposed to be objective… why should he feel weird doing it now?

Still.

Slowly he reached out to take her hand into his, putting it on his chest, right over his heart, and holding it tightly so she wouldn't let go.

"Can you feel that? I'm here. I'm here with you. You need to breathe with me."

Her eyes fluttered closed. Focusing on the steady heartbeat beneath her palm she tried to match her breathing pattern to his hot breaths that caressed her skin. He wanted to calm her down and he was succeeding shutting down her irrational impulse to run but her heart started beating faster the longer they stood like this, the longer she touched him like this.

"Better?"

"Huh?", yanking open her eyes she stared at him in confusion, having almost forgotten her most recent panic. She cleared her throat and pulled her hand back awkwardly. "Yeah. Yes, I think I'm ready to meet her."

She wasn't really but she doubted she'd ever be any more ready so that was probably what being ready felt like.

The click of the door lock when he turned the key resonated through her entire body and when he pulled the door open she was glad he took the first step inside so she had another second to compose herself.

As soon as she stepped into the apartment she found herself face to face with a beautiful girl with concerned brown eyes trained on her as she stopped her pacing and practically flew to her side like a whirlwind. Before Jane could utter a single syllable or look to Kurt for support, Avery was already talking so fast that her voice tumbled over the words.

"They told me what happened and I would've come over straight away but Kurt wouldn't let me spend the night at the hospital with him." She glared at her stepfather for a blink of an eye before turning back to Jane, taking her hand and leading her further into the living room, "I googled retrograde amnesia and I found some article about a woman who lost 14 years of her life after a car accident and she never got them back."

Biting her lip she stopped dead in her tracks before she rushed on. "Not that I think you won't get them back! But she forgot her 13 years old daughter and she said it was the worst thing because she didn't feel like a mum and that it broke her heart and I know we're not the conventional mother-daughter pair but I really want you to get better and I'm gonna help you in every way that I can and I wanted to tell you that it's okay if you don't remember me and-"

Before the tears could fall down either of their cheeks Jane took a step forward and wrapped her arms around the teenage girl, feeling lightheaded when the lank arms came around her waist to hug her back fiercely.

Doing what her gut told her to do, she patted her dark locks gently. Holding her like this seemed to be just what her body had needed and just like with Kurt she felt something from underneath the surface try to scratch its way back into her mind that she couldn't quite catch. It wasn't a memory it was more of a feeling… She felt both earthshattering loss and tragedy but also hope in the tight embrace of her daughter.

Over Avery's shoulder she found Kurt's eyes that had welled up as well and she met his gaze through her own veil of tears when she told Avery as evenly as she could "I remember being pregnant with you and how much I loved you even then when you were only a tiny Blip on the ultrasound. We're going to be okay."


	2. 7 - 11 am

**A/N** : If at some point this gets repetitive and/or too fluffy, let me know! Otherwise, enjoy this. :)

* * *

 **7 a.m.**

Jane was sitting cross-legged on the couch in the living room that felt more and more homely with every minute she spent there, surrounded by two people she felt deeply connected to but couldn't actually remember. Even though it seemed to her that the more time she spent with them the closer to the surface those memories swam, she hadn't been able to reach down to that pond of simmering light in her mind to pull them out yet.

She was holding on to the black sketchbook in her lap, browsing through page after page looking for something that might trigger her memory, with Kurt and Avery seated beside her mostly in silence.

Both had argued against going through her sketches with her but Kurt had been more vehement in telling her that it was really personal and that maybe she wanted to go through them alone. Avery had looked more curious than anything else but had tried not to appear too nosy.

"I trust you", she had told them earnestly and had earned a small smile from both and a look from Kurt that told her how much he loved her without saying a word. She always blushed when she found him looking at her like that.

"What's this?", Avery spoke up, pointing to a pencil drawing of a shack in the middle of nowhere, with a starlit sky drawn on the horizon.

Tracing the pattern with her fingers she felt that she should know that. These stars didn't seem to be placed randomly, there was a system behind them but she couldn't quite grasp it. She was about to huff in frustration once more and to tell them that she didn't know, when Kurt's voice filled the blank as it seemed to do so often.

"That's the big dipper", he told them pointing to one set of stars, "And that's Cassiopeia and between them…" His pinky came to rest on the star in the center of the sketch, "That's the North Star, Polaris."

Avery stared at him in surprise, her mouth hanging open while Jane watched the man over her shoulder in adoration.

"I would never have thought you knew anything about constellations!", the girl exclaimed with a giggle. "That's a total breach with the whole big serious FBI guy thing you've got going on."

Kurt stuck his tongue out at the girl who couldn't contain her excitement and met her mother's eyes instead, "You taught me how to find the North Star. In case I ever got lost. It's called the guiding star."

Once more his eyes seemed to be saying more than his mouth would give up and for the first time she saw a glimmer of something before her eyes. Shutting her eyes tightly she tried to hold on to the image of a starry sky in the middle of a long road and she felt his presence behind her, felt his arms on her stomach as if it was happening right then and there and once more she had to overcome the need to wrap her arms protectively around her not-really-pregnant belly.

"Feels like you should've taught me how to not get lost", she whispered back so quietly only he could hear it.

"Well", he small grin spread onto his lips, "You gave me the know-how and I'll put it to good use for you, what do you say?"

* * *

 **8 a.m.**

When she had first started wandering through the hallway of their apartment he had followed her with his eyes, watching as she got lost in all the intricate details that she had helped put up not so long ago, making this apartment truly their home. She hadn't asked him to tag along and thinking she might need a little time to herself after an overwhelming night, he had stayed right there in the living room so she would know where to find him.

Avery had gone to sleep twenty minutes ago, crashing on the bed in the guest room to catch up on all the sleepless nights she had spent here since Jane had been attacked. He hadn't spent much time at home, never feeling comfortable moving from her bedside, but when he had occasionally come back to get a change of clothes and take a shower he had found Avery's presence comforting. The thought that someone else was worried about Jane almost as much as he was and knowing that the teenager ate and had a warm place to sleep… It made all the nights where Jane wasn't there to fill him with her usual light that much more bearable.

Jane's excursion had led her through all the rooms except the one Avery was currently occupying. Wandering around the apartment had given her a peaceful feeling, as if she belonged here, which apparently she did. At every turn there were pictures of herself, Kurt and a toddler that had to be his girl that he told her about. First she hadn't known what to make of him having a child with another woman but she had a daughter herself, hadn't she? And from the looks of it she adored Bethany.

There were smaller details lying around all over the apartment, too. Like a dark red lipstick that she was sure Kurt wasn't using and pencils that had a right feel to them when she weighed them in her hand carefully, fitting right into her palm.

Standing in the doorframe leading to the master bedroom she came to a halt, suddenly unsure whether she was ready to walk into something so intimate. She waited and listened for approaching footsteps - like a teenager that was afraid to get caught walking into her parents' bedroom.

Very deliberately she pushed the door open a little wider, peeking around the corner to find a very earthy, comfortable looking room. Apart from the king-size bed there was a big wardrobe and some shelves, dressers and a night stand on each side of the bed.

Looking around curiously she smiled at even more pictures of them and the toddler and some well-thumbed books laying around, all crime novels that she suspected Kurt read because she couldn't imagine getting excited about more crime scenes when she tried to relax after having spent all day at real ones. Nonetheless she took her time to browse through them, finding dog-eared pages and chocolate smears ever so often.

It surprised her that someone as neatly organized as Kurt would let chocolate near his books but somewhere inside her she knew it to be normal. For some reason there had to be chocolate there or it wouldn't have been his. It frustrated her to no end that she didn't know where she knew that from and the harder she tried to remember the more white noise covered everything and her head started pounding.

Putting the book back down she let her hand roam over the wooden surface as she walked past it to the window side of the room, looking at the nightstand that held another Tom Clancy novel and a silly photo stripe of them. She was just reaching for the pictures, smiling at their goofy faces, when her arm brushed something else and revealed a pair of handcuffs that had slid into the gap between mattress and bed frame.

Changing directions her fingers found the cold metal that seemed to have been tossed away and forgotten about, clicking it close and regarding them curiously. They seemed to be the real deal, with a key already in one of the keyholes.

Suddenly she let them go as if they burned her, glad when the bed cushioned the fall and no one had noticed her dropping them or her fast breathing and her heart that seemed to beat for three people in just one chest.

Frantically she put them back where she had found them and stood up, trying to bring as much distance between them and herself as she could while simultaneously trying to even out her breathing. She could feel her cheeks burning up and she felt other parts of her body burn as well, a desire she didn't know where to put.

Or well, she knew where she wanted to put it but her thoughts were taking on directions that were so foreign to her the she didn't know how to deal with them.

She could picture it – picture him putting these handcuffs on her and undressing her and…

A shiver ran down her spine when she imagined his hot wet mouth on her naked skin, torturing her ever so sweetly. She felt an urgent throbbing between her legs, felt the warmth spread through the sweats she was wearing and tried to breathe through it.

Fleeing into the bathroom she splashed her face with cold water, trying to get the image from her mind – for now – because she couldn't face Kurt thinking what she was thinking without acting on it and she couldn't act on it because…

Why couldn't she act on it again?

There was a kid in the apartment, right. And she wasn't supposed to over-exercise and that would probably take her breath away in more ways than one.

Resting her elbows on the cool porcelain sink and, dropping her head into her hands, she told herself that they were married and probably had done something like that before, hence the hastily thrown away handcuffs, and that Kurt could still look at her normally and that she had probably interacted with him on a day to day basis, too, without the constant need to rip each other's clothes off.

It didn't help that the bathroom seemed to be smelling exclusively of him and that there was one of his shirts carelessly tossed over the edge of the bath tub. Picking it up gently she buried her face in it, breathing in that scent that had the ability to calm her down, that bleed into every fiber of her being and steadied her.

The comfort she found in it even helped her to calm down enough to go back out as if nothing had happened and to meet Kurt's eyes when he looked up from the breakfast he was making, only blushing slightly in the process.

Leaning over the counter she shot him a smile when he frowned at her worriedly and tried to get a peek at whatever he was making. Just then he turned around again and she was about to admire his broad back when he put something else into the pan and a nauseating smell hit her nostrils.

Glancing over his shoulder she saw the sausages he was now frying and crinkled her nose when he turned around partly to look at her again.

"What?", he asked, another worried frown crossing his features.

"I don't think I liked sausages very much", she told him honestly, sealing her nose with thumb and index finger before continuing. "They smell revolting."

* * *

 **9 a.m.**

The three of them lay splayed out in their living room after they had finished breakfast. Well, Avery lay splayed out on the armchair, dozing off every once in a while, her chin always dropping down to her chest before she woke up abruptly, pulling her head back up again. Jane was sitting on one end of the couch, knees tugged to her chest, hands running down a very soft fluffy pillow and he was sitting in the middle, still in arm's reach should she reach out, without crowding her too much.

He was also in charge of the remote for the first time since he had had both women at home, though that might be due to the fact that nothing good was on and half of them were asleep or and the other didn't know what they should watch anyway.

Kurt cringed at the reminder, looking over at Jane to find her still staring at the screen without focusing on it, lost in her thoughts. From what he could tell – and what she told him – she was alright, considering the circumstances.

Still, he couldn't even imagine what she must be going through, losing her memory again, having to learn of everyone in her life completely new again. She soldiered on, though, even managed to laugh with him and Avery over breakfast, not once letting the girl see behind the brave façade she was putting up.

He admired her more than he could put into words and all things considered, it didn't look too bad for them, either. He was hopeful that she would recover her memories within a few days as the doctor had told them could happen. If that made him foolish then he would be foolish. But he knew her better than anyone and he knew she knew him, remembered enough to feel comfortable around him and knowing how many walls she used to build up, he felt that all hopes he had for her recovery were justified.

Her eyes told him she recognized him and he would take that. And should she never remember but still feel like this around him? He would take that, too, as selfish as that might've made him.

"Did I have a favorite movie?"

Her soft voice pulled him back into reality and when he blinked he found the most beautiful tired big green eyes looking up at him.

"Maybe you should take a nap?", he suggested, turning around and inching closer so he was fully facing her, letting his gaze travel over her exhausted form.

She shook her head, though he could see she stifled a yawn. "I don't want to fall asleep before I know everything", she told him quietly, "I'm scared that if I fall asleep then maybe all the progress I've made will be gone again and I… I don't want to forget all of this again."

Reaching out, he brushed his hands over her knuckles gently, trying to comfort her without having to promise her something he didn't know he'd be able to keep. Instead he answered her question to take her mind off of her fear.

"You're not too much of a movie fan", Kurt told her with a smile, remembering the few times he had gotten her to sit down with him for two hours to watch something, "You're more of a reader and painter… Although…" He stopped midsentence, his mind flickering back to one DVD they had watched together that she had thoroughly enjoyed.

Choosing his next words carefully, not knowing how she'd react, he continued, "We have our wedding video on tape laying around here somewhere… We could… We could watch that if you want."

The way her eyes lit up momentarily, excited to find out something else yet again, made him fall in love with her a little bit more and it took everything he had not to lean forward and kiss her right then and there. He was acutely aware of how long he had gone without her lips on his and even though he had survived longer, it definitely wasn't something he wanted to repeat very soon. Or ever again.

He was still waiting for her reply and watched her eyes flicker to the half-asleep teenager curled up on the chair.

"Would it be awkward to watch our wedding video with her?", she wanted to know quietly.

Honestly he had no idea what would and wouldn't be awkward, what would and wouldn't be okay to do and talk about with this, their, girl but he knew that no matter how atypical of a family they were, they were slowly getting to their very own version of normal.

"Maybe we should ask her?"

"Issokay", came the low rumble from the side and Avery blinked, yawned and stretched her arms and legs before grinning at them cheerfully, "I'll survive the massive gimcrackery that is bound to happen."

Ten minutes later they had all settled back into their seats and five minutes after that all of them had started tearing up and even Avery, who had started off the video with a snarky comment, was wiping her eyes secretly.

His eyes were resting on his wife through the entirety of the tape, taking in all the various emotions that flickered over her face and tasting the salt of his own tears on his lips just when Hirst came on the screen, followed by Patterson.

He saw her glance up at him every once in a while, when their former boss told them to lean on each other and their blonde friend pledged they could defeat anything. When Patterson got lost in her Dungeons and Dragon world he turned the video off, earning himself scandalous looks from both women.

"Why would you stop there? Isn't there some footage from the actual party?", Avery exclaimed and Jane only frowned at him in confusion, "Why would you cut her off mid-sentence?"

"It's…", he struggled for the right words, not wanting to destroy the peaceful moment they had just shared. "Roman got his hand on it", he explained eventually, "He cuts it off somewhere here to threaten us and I wanted to spare you that."

As had become the norm whenever they brought up her brother, Jane shook her head forcefully. He could see the anger and confusion battling for domination in her eyes and when neither won, she just looked more lost than ever.

"I want to see it", she told him evenly, her eyes hard and detached as she moved them back to the screen, waiting for him to start the clip back up.

Not before long, Roman's face filled their living room once more, his voice echoing through the otherwise quiet place.

 _"I guess my invitation got lost in the mail, so I'll make my toast here. Jane, you never thought happiness was in the cards for you and you're right. You're too broken, sis. Love just isn't in your DNA. And Weller, whatever you think you have with my sister is built on a foundation of lies. Someday you'll feel the same pain I felt when she turned her back on me. I'm sorry to be a downer on your special day, I really am, but there's more pain coming and there's nothing either of you can do to stop it. To the bride and groom."_

They watched as the screen flickered and came back to life with the actual footage of their wedding but once more Kurt stopped the track, exchanging a worried glance with Avery when Jane didn't seem to move her eyes away from the screen.

"He looks so grown up", he heard her choke up finally and he saw her trembling hand reach out to where her brother's face had just been, stopping mid movement to let it drop to her knee again. She looked up and her eyes found his, full of unshed tears and broken dreams.

"Why would he do that?", she asked and he wished he had an answer for her but he couldn't open his mouth, couldn't find the words to explain to her why the brother she remembered that she loved unconditionally and that had gotten her daughter a onesie from his spare pocket money, would deliberately hurt her now. How could he make her understand that it wasn't her fault, that she shouldn't blame herself as she inevitably would?

When he didn't answer the loss in her eyes was taken over by something else, the fire he knew from back when she had fought for books and blankets for Roman, the fierce look of a sister who would do anything for her brother.

Before she opened her mouth he knew what she was going to say and knew exactly the force and determination she would use to get through to him. Even without remembering, she knew exactly how to get to him.

"I need to talk to him. I need to find him! Please, Kurt."

* * *

 **10 a.m.**

Jane was pacing in the living room, her mind skipping through the few memories she had, almost all of them involving Roman in one way or another. She saw his scarred face in front of her closed eyes as if he was standing right there in front of her, remembered exactly how he got the scar that ran from his eyebrow most of the way down his cheek, and had witnessed his big innocent eyes, staring up at her in wonder when he felt her baby kick for the first time.

All these images merged with the handsome young man with cold eyes and a hard voice that she had seen on the screen a little over half an hour ago.

Kurt had told her what happened and that Roman was currently chasing after them – to _kill_ them – but she hadn't wanted to believe it. In all honesty, she still couldn't wrap her head around his words, her thoughts always wandering back to the fake smile on his lips and the underlying pain in his eyes.

She knew her brother.

He was the only person she remembered and he hadn't changed much since then. She could read his eyes and his tone of voice and the way he held himself, acting nonchalantly like they were taught to but never really feeling it. He still loved her and he missed her, at least he had when he had recorded the video, but he was too stubborn to admit it and too scared to ask for forgiveness.

Her heart ached for the boy she wished she could've protected better when her child that she had forgotten she had birthed cleared her throat behind her, pulling her back into the present.

Straightening her shoulders, Jane crossed her arms in front of her chest, still not entirely certain how to act around the teenager, but knowing she didn't want to appear weak in front of her.

Avery mimicked her mother's stance to a tee. A tangled mess of long dark locks framing her face that was wearing a pensive frown. The girl seemed to have something on her mind and so Jane waited, giving her all the time she might need until her equally dark eyes found hers, a reluctant question in them.

"Why do you want to find him so badly?"

The sentence rang through her mind, echoing from the dark empty halls of it, and she bit her lips, unsure what to answer.

"I mean", Avery added hastily, "I get he's your brother and you remember a younger… better version of him but he's a bad person now. He hurt you, he let your husband think he killed me to drive you apart, he kidnapped me and sold your friends! He's trying to get you killed right now and he-", her voice broke, tears pooling in her eyes making Jane reach out to her involuntarily, "He almost succeeded."

"I know it might seem weird", Jane started hesitantly, looking for the right words to explain all the contradictory feelings inside her right now, "To reach out to someone who's hurt me but I've hurt him, too. I injected him with a drug that erased all his memories without his consent and as well-meaning as it might have been... that was an awful thing to do."

She broke off, trying so hard to hold onto some of the memories that seemed to be just outside her reach that she felt her head start pounding. She went on, refraining from pressing her palm to her forehead. "I don't have a lot to reference right now… But I know what it feels like to not remember anything, to not know who you are and what you did and where you came from. At least I have Kurt… and you", she shot the girl a small smile, "You tell me all these things but from what Kurt told me, I couldn't do the same thing for him. We kept him inside a small cell with only his thoughts keeping him company."

"Yeah but only because he killed so many people!", Avery exclaimed in frustration, "Why can't you see that he's a bad person? Why are you trying to defend him?"

"Roman has only ever followed orders", Jane tried to explain, "But everyone he's loved has turned on him in one way or the other… I've lied to him and I drove him over the edge. He's hurt and lost. I remember enough to know that he fights like a feral animal backed into a corner when he thinks he's got nothing left to lose. He can't reach out, he only knows how to destroy – it's all we've ever taught him. So if he can't reach out to me, maybe I need to reach out to him, maybe I should've done that a long time ago. I still see that kid in him that loved you so much before you were even born… He can't be gone."

Avery was looking at her incredulously, huffing like only a teenager could, before softening her gaze when she saw Jane's hopeful eyes.

"Maybe. But…", she bit her lip, so erringly similar to her mother's expression, "Look, I don't know if it's my place to say this or if you want to hear it but I think you should and I don't think Kurt's going to tell you, so I will." The girl took another deep breath, letting her arms fall to her sides, giving up the closed off stance both of them had been wearing.

"You have a great life now. You have a husband who loves you unconditionally, friends that are your family and… you have me", she added timidly. "Don't give up this amazing life you built for yourself that you've forgotten right now, to chase after a past that might never come back. If I've learned one thing from losing everyone I cared about then that it doesn't do any good looking back. You need to get to know these people, the people who are there for you now, not run after the one that is trying to get you killed."

Jane felt her eyes well up with tears once more, her heart swelling in her chest with love for her daughter and fear for her brother. She didn't know what to reply and before she could form a coherent sentence, Kurt joined them.

She looked up to find him eyeing them in concern, clutching his phone with his right hand so tightly that his knuckles were turning white.

"I called Patterson to ask for her help", he told them when both women pulled out of the trance they had seemed to be in, "She's trying to find a way to contact him and she asked if it's okay that they come over for lunch…?"

He seemed so uncertain of her answer, so unsure how to address her, that once more she wished she could remember what she had done to deserve this man. Her eyes found Avery's and she managed to pull the corners of her lips up in a smile for the first time since she had seen her brother's face again and looked back at her husband, whose eyes told her it was solely her decision and he would do whatever she wanted to do.

"Can you tell me about them before they get here?"

* * *

 **11 a.m.**

Sitting on the floor, Jane let her eyes travel over all the photo albums, handwritten notes, an iPad with a huge gallery of pictures and even FBI case files Kurt had managed to collect in the short time span. They plastered every inch of the living room and when Kurt came in with Avery to bring the last box he had pulled from storage there was barely any space left for them to step without stepping on something.

When he dropped down on his knees next to her, he half expected the teenager to follow him but instead Avery yawned loudly and announced she would go get some more sleep before the cavalry arrived with food in a little under an hour.

For a few minutes they went through the pictures on their own, simply enjoying each other's company and all the smiling faces staring back at them from the pages.

Once more Jane was the first to break the silence, pointing to a picture of her sitting in a hospital bed, her hair all messed up and with Kurt and their other two friends standing to either side of them.

"Why would we put a picture like that in a photo album?", she asked him, her finger trailing over a neatly handwritten title 'The Invincible'. She grimaced at Kurt who had leaned closer to get a look at the picture she was talking about, "I look absolutely horrible there."

"Oh, that", he made a face before reaching out to take her hand in his, turning it so her palm was facing the ceiling, pointing to a faint scar on her wrist, "You cut yourself with your razor and hit an artery", he explained and she kept her eyes on his face while he stared down at her forearm, starting to move his thumb over the scar tissue. "That was a pretty horrible evening", he summarized eventually, giving her a half grin, "And when Tasha, Reade and Patterson came to bring food and games, Tasha insisted she take a picture of you for when they had to find embarrassing pictures to show us at our wedding."

She grinned up when he started chuckling, letting go of her hand and instead reaching for the photo album she had placed in her lap.

"This was their wedding gift to us", he told her, stroking the back of the book before opening it again on a random page and they came face to face with all three ladies, faces covered in mud masks with slices of cucumber on their eyes. Apparently Patterson had taken the selfie, sticking out her tongue at the camera (how she had taken a picture without seeing anything went beyond Jane's imagination) while Tasha was laughing out loud at something and she herself was pouting, arms crossed in front of her chest.

Kurt noticed how her eyes lingered on the picture and without her having to ask, he told her. "That was their version of a bachelorette party for you. You wouldn't let them drag you to a strip club, so they insisted on a day of pampering, including massages, good food and lots of gossip… as I've been told." Her shot her a lopsided grin, "You pretended to be annoyed but I remember you coming home afterwards, practically glowing inside and out because you three hadn't spent much time together like that in some time."

"They seem like really good friends", Jane noticed with a smile, eyes wandering to another picture on the same page, featuring Kurt and Reade, both wearing cowboy hats and boots, holding the rein to a donkey that a delighted looking toddler Bethany was riding.

"Oh my god", she exclaimed, giggling at the image, "What happened to the two of you?"

Looking adequately contrite, Kurt met her eyes only briefly, "We lost a bet to Rich DotCom… another friend of ours… He rooted for the two of us to get together from the very first time we met him."

Her smile grew wider when he took her hand in his, lacing his fingers through hers. "Although I would never say this to his face… I'm really glad he was right about that."

"Wait."

She stopped mid track, almost letting the book slip from her lap, pressing her free hand to her pounding head. She felt his worried gaze on her but she didn't find the strength to reassure him because the pain shooting through her temples was increasing with every second until suddenly it was gone. Or at least went back to being a slight inconvenient background noise but she didn't even notice anymore.

With wide eyes she stared up at the man next to her. Disbelief, worry and joy all flickering through her expression.

"I think I remembered something", she whispered breathlessly, squeezing her eyes shut tightly, rubbing them before she met his gaze again. The images were still there, so very, very vividly.

"Wh- What?", his voice was barely more than a whisper either and when she watched him closely now, she could see his every muscle tense with worry and anticipation.

"I think I remember.. Rich?" It was supposed to be an answer but it came out sounding like a question. "Do you have a picture of him maybe?"

She was sure that that was not what he had hoped she would remember first and – truth be told – it's not what she had hoped for either but before she told him, she wanted to make sure it was an actual memory and not something her mind had made up to make her feel better.

"That's him." When she saw the picture of the dark haired, bearded man she let out a sigh of relief. She remembered an actual person. This was progress, right?

"Jane?" Kurt's urgent voice pulled her out of her thoughts again and she realized she had simply stared at the picture, frozen in place. "What did you remember?"

"I…", she frowned when she met his gaze now, "I remember wearing a dress and you were wearing a tux and Rich standing next to me, speaking in Bulgarian but I don't understand, I thought we weren't together when we met him?"

For a moment he simply stared at her before a laugh escaped his lips and then it was her turn to stare when the man, she had seen so serious all day, started chuckling quietly, a tiny tear finding its way down his cheek as he looked at her in pure bliss.

"You remember", he confirmed, leaning over to pull her into a hug, his strong arms coming around her waist so very gently.

Jane felt a shiver run down her spine when he buried his face in her neck, breathing her in, and her mind jumped back to that memory, especially the part where he joined her. The memory of his possessive grip on her waist then and the very real feeling of his body pressed against hers right now, made something in her stomach flutter with excitement. She wasn't sure whether they had talked about that moment again but from what she remembered, she had wanted him back then or maybe that was just what she was feeling right now. Another shiver took over her body when – in her memory – he took off the necklace, his hands lingering on her neck slightly longer than strictly necessary.

"I'm sorry", he pulled back abruptly and she was missing the connection immediately, "I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

She blinked up at him in confusion, watching him run his hand through his hair self-consciously, until she realized that he must've misinterpreted her reaction to the hug and – without thinking about it – she inched closer to him and, when he didn't react immediately, tucked on his arm to put it around her shoulder herself.

Leaning into him very slowly she marveled at how perfectly she fit inside his embrace and if she hadn't been trying so hard to stay calm she would've squealed with joy when he tightened his arm around her once more, pulling her just a little bit closer and leaning his head against hers.

They stayed like that as they continued going through the pictures of their family, both completely contend as long as the other one was there.


	3. 12 am- 4 pm

**A/N:** Here have some Jeller PDA because if you're like me, you really need it! Enjoy x

* * *

 **12 a.m.**

"You don't have to be so nervous about this", Kurt told her from the place he was currently occupying on the couch, having cleaned up the mess they had made earlier.

She looked up and glared at him, "Of course you would say that, you have met them before!" Shaking her head she muttered something under her breath that he couldn't quite get and continued pacing through the living room.

He watched her walk up and down, reciting everything he had told her about their friends. "You don't even have to make a good first impression", he quipped, trying his best to look contrite when she scowled at him again. "They all love you very much. And you've already remembered something, right? The rest will come, too. You just need to give it some time."

Jane stopped in her tracks to look at him again, her green eyes showing her internal struggle of hoping and fearing to hope. "You really think that?", she wanted to know quietly, fidgeting with her hands, "What if it's going to be really awkward and I'll just have a blank and won't know what to say? What if-"

"Do you want me to tell them not to come?", he interrupted her, getting up from the couch and walking over to her, "Because I can do that and they would understand."

"But?"

He hesitated before taking her hands in his, rubbing his thumb over her palm, "But.. I think everything is going to be okay and it'll be good for you. And they're really excited to see you, they have been so worried about you."

Slowly she nodded her head at him, squeezing his hand in return, with a tiny smile. "Okay", she agreed, her anxiety far from cured but feeling a lot more secure knowing Kurt would be by her side through it all.

"Also", Avery's voice rang out and they both looked up to find her coming down the hall towards them, "Patterson is bringing your favorite sorbet, you should definitely let her come."

Jane's smile widened when her daughter plopped down on the chair, curling herself up so her knees were tugged to her chest. It still felt so unreal to think of this grown young woman as her daughter but at the same time it felt absolutely right, like the most natural thing in the world. Though she was still mourning the years she had lost, she was already thrilled for all the years to come.

Maybe that was the point, she thought to herself, that no matter if she got her memories back at the end of the day, she would still be able to make new ones with her family who would remind her again.

"What is my favorite sorbet?", she asked just when the doorbell rang and she barely made out Avery's reply because Kurt was already at the door, letting in the three people she had seen so many pictures of.

For a moment they just stood there, neither knowing exactly how to react, while Jane tried to gather as many information about them as she could.

Tasha, the Latina, was dressed in a figure-hugging black jeans with a dark green shirt and in her hands she was holding both a six pack beer and two bottles of champagne. Somehow, without him having to open his mouth, she knew Kurt would object the alcohol – probably rightfully so. But she also felt that the woman in front of her wouldn't worry about his objections too much, finding a way to smuggle her just a few sips.

Her brown eyes were wide when she returned Jane's curious stare and she had a feeling that her friend was trying her best to keep a more neutral expression as if not to scare her.

Jane smiled shyly at her before moving on to Edgar Reade, who had already taken off his shoes and jacket and was holding two heavy paper bags that probably contained their lunch.

His eyes smiled at her warmly, showing her his worry and his love for this whole group but also something else, something darker. She remembered Kurt telling her about the abuse he had to live through as a child and she felt her heart ache when she saw just how deep these scars ran, even though he was holding up fine.

She shot him another smile, her eyes wandering to the last of the group – the blonde, holding the promised mango sorbet. Before Jane had the time to take her appearance in Patterson was already hugging her and, reflexively, Jane hugged her back.

"I talked to your doctor about your condition", she started rambling when she pulled back just enough to look her in the eyes, "And I did some of my own research and it's possible that you're going to remember something in like two days or so but you might not remember everything and she told me that familiar stimuli might help you remember certain things so I thought we would get you all the happy stimuli we can so you will remember all the happy things."

Jane felt a little overwhelmed but Patterson realized that too and immediately released her, "Don't worry, we'll take this as slow as you want us to. Which is why we're starting with hanging out and cooking. Food is probably the happiest stimuli, right?"

Spending the next hour chopping vegetables, listening to stories, laughing at old and new mishaps, smelling and tasting the Thai curry they had made, Jane was inclined to agree with the woman. She didn't remember anything concrete, yet, but spending time with her family and having them tell her everything they could remember not only made her feel more comfortable with them, it also made her a little more certain of who she was.

She was still struggling with what was expected of her, which way she should act or what she should say, but they put no pressure on her whatsoever and soon enough she found her own rhythm in their conversations, feeling more at ease than she had hoped she'd ever feel again with anyone else but Kurt.

The man in question – her _husband_ – was laughing a lot as well, the skin around his eyes crinkling whenever he grinned at a joke someone made but every once in a while she would feel his gaze on her, wordlessly checking if she was okay before turning his attention back to whoever was currently talking.

He seemed to know exactly which topics would make her feel queasy and before she had fully recognized it herself, he had already steered the conversation towards another, more comfortable subject. He also intervened whenever Tasha would try to secretly pour her some of the champagne and knew whenever a new headache came over her, his worried gaze resting on her silently until he was sure she was feeling better again.

His bright blue eyes made her feel warm and fuzzy inside, a little like the few sips of Champagne Tasha had managed to slip her while Kurt had his back turned. Maybe it was the alcohol mixing with the painkillers or the bad air or her latent headache or just her train of thoughts whenever Kurt Weller was concerned, but she felt lightheaded and – apologizing herself – left the group to get some fresh air on the balcony.

* * *

 **1 p.m.**

Everyone had finished eating and even the talking had died down a little bit, all hanging on to their own thoughts in a state somewhere between fully awake and slumbering. The food and the drinks were good but as wonderful as getting together again felt, it was also exhausting, especially because of the underlying worry all of them felt for Jane.

Kurt could see it in their eyes even though they tried to hide it and he was sure his were telling a very similar story. They tried so hard to stay optimistic while simultaneously trying not to put too much pressure on Jane because as strong as they all knew her to be, there had to be a breaking point even for a person like his wife and that scared him more than he would like to admit.

He had seen how she had pressed her palm against her forehead or temple every once in a while throughout the meal and with every time he got more concerned for her wellbeing, not that it needed much for him to worry about her.

When she had excused herself he hadn't followed her outside right away, not wanting to crowd her, but that had been twenty minutes ago. They had long since cleared the table and moved to the couch and she was still leaning against the handrail, her head in her hands, staring straight ahead.

Twenty minutes were enough time, he decided then. There was no way he would make it through another five of them when with every second he grew more and more concerned.

Rising from his chair he nodded towards the balcony as a sort of explanation where he was going and without waiting for the understanding nods, he took three steps forward and pulled the door open.

He was greeted by a mild summer breeze and his wife's tired smile as she turned around, watching him close the door behind him and coming to stand next to her, mirroring her posture. They were mere inches apart facing each other and he refrained from reaching out to her, scared she would pull away from him.

"Are you okay?", he asked quietly, the only really important question he could think of.

Again she smiled lightly, putting up that brave façade that he knew so well. "Yeah. I mean", she thought about it for a bit before nodding as if to confirm her statement to herself, "Yes, I'm fine. I just needed to get some air."

"I know that feeling", he replied, watching as she turned so she was fully facing him now, "I can tell them to leave, if you want. You might wanna get so- hmppf"

Suddenly her lips where on his, cutting him off mid-sentence, and instinctively his arms came out to hold onto her.

There was a part of his brain that was telling him to stop, to ask her what was going on, but the majority of him simply reacted to the feeling of her so close to him and before he knew it his hand wandered up to cradle her head while his other hand was steadying her waist.

Her tongue was demanding, taking control of the kiss as she deepened it, clinging to him as if he was her life line and he let her explore, let her take the lead as he himself got lost in the familiar heat. Somehow he had imagined their (new?) first kiss to be reluctant, sweet and short, rather a peck on the lips, but this was none of that.

This was everything.

For the first time in half a week he had all his senses filled with her again and he couldn't let go of the moment. Not when he had been denied this feeling for so long and when he could finally have it again.

When she pulled away again he was almost scared she would step out of his embrace but to his joy she stayed right where she was, leaning closer into him if that was possible, her forehead resting against his chin. Her hair tickled his nostrils with every movement of her head and she was struggling for air just like him.

They hadn't yet fully gotten themselves back under control when they heard loud whistling from the living room and when they looked up they saw their friends – and a little awkwardly even Avery – cheering them on. Getting even more flustered Jane buried her face into his shoulder and he turned them so their backs were now facing the large glass doors but not before glaring at the people on the inside, who at least at the decency to look remorseful.

Once he was turned around, though, he couldn't stop himself from grinning down at the shock of black hair like the love-struck idiot that he was.

"I'm sorry if I caught you off-guard", he heard her mumble into his shirt apologetically, adding a rather sheepish, "Especially for doing it so publicly."

"It's okay", he reassured her, fingers moving through her short hair gently. A lie if he ever saw one… this was so much more than 'okay'. "I guess they're just not used to seeing a lot of PDA from us."

"Ugh", she huddled up even closer against him, shaking her head at herself, "I'm sorry I didn't want to- I just-"

"Shh, Jane", he stopped her, cupping her cheek with his hand to make her look up at him. "Don't ever apologize for kissing me, okay? I never want you to do that."

She nodded against his hand, leaning into his touch. "Okay, I won't", she replied with a shy smile, "I liked kissing you."

It shouldn't have made him as happy as it did but a very primal, very possessive part of him was practically purring at the compliment.

"I like kissing you, too. A lot actually", he admitted with a grin, "Why did you do it?", he asked her after a moment of getting lost inside her eyes once more, "Why now?"

"I", she bit her lip in a way he had always found endearing and looked at him through her thick dark lashes, a look that played on his desire for her like nothing else. "I've been wanting to for a few hours now", she declared finally, her cheeks turning pink, "And then you were standing there and I don't know… It just felt like the right moment to kiss you… I might've forgotten about everyone watching us, though."

Returning her sheepish smile with a lopsided grin he leaned forward to capture her lips with his again ever so gently. "I might've forgotten about them, too", he confided when he pulled back, leaning his forehead against hers.

For a moment they stayed like that, once more blocking out the rest of the world and simply existing in each other's arms, before they were interrupted by Patterson who stuck her head through the door. Kurt wanted nothing more than to tell her to take whatever she wanted to say somewhere else but her urgent voice silenced him and just like that the anxiety returned. He should've known that things wouldn't be so easy for them.

"I think Avery and I found a way to contact Roman."

* * *

 **2 p.m.**

Jane heard some hushed conversation on the other end of the line, something that sounded like a very hearty kiss and then the closing of doors in the distance before he took over Blake's phone.

"Hello sis."

Two words were enough for her world to come to a standstill and her breath catch in her throat. Of course she had heard his voice before on the video and had known what it would sound like but a tiny part of her had half-expected the young, slightly high-pitched, pre- voice break voice she kept hearing in her memories. This voice was hardened, calculating and so very distant that it broke her heart.

"Is this your version of a prank call?", the voice that belonged to this new version of her brother taunted her, "Did I hurt your feelings sending that assassin after you? Last I heard you were in the hospital."

Could it be possible that his voice had hesitated for just a second when speaking of her time in the hospital? Could he have been worried for her or was he really as far gone as everyone kept telling her?

"Roman."

It was the only thing she could manage to utter and it shut him up more effectively than she had expected but even that only lasted so long.

"Yes, Jane", he replied, dragging her name deliberately in an attempt to hurt her, "Is there a point to this call?"

Just twelve hours ago she had woken up in the firm belief that her name was Remi and hearing Kurt say this other, unfamiliar name had sounded foreign to her then but the more time she had spent with all these people – that were sitting a little further away right now but still within reach should she need their assistance – the further removed 'Remi' felt from this person that she seemed to be now.

She liked this person that she was now, free in a way that she didn't remember being as a child. She already loved the people around her and she agreed with most of the things they had told her about their shared past… she wanted so badly to come back to this life, to regain her memories of it. But this was her brother and as much as she loved Jane's freedom she couldn't imagine a life in which they were fighting on opposing sides. How could she ever fight him?

"I…", she hesitated shortly but – for a lack of a better idea – continued, "I wanted to apologize for… For everything I've put you through."

"I'm sorry, what?", his voice rose incredulously, "You want to apologize?"

"Yes, I-", she started but he wouldn't let her finish, talking himself into a rage she knew all too well.

"And then what?", he laughed rhetorically, coldly, "You think saying sorry is going to magically make everything go away? Has this new life of yours really gotten into your head so bad that you can't even think straight anymore? The old you would've known better."

"And the Roman I knew wouldn't have hired an assassin to take out his sister", she gave back equally fiercely, trying to swallow the anger building in the pit of her stomach. Anger wouldn't help her now, they had too much of that between them already. "We always had each other's back, didn't we?", she asked instead, "No matter what happened, we could always count on each other, couldn't we? Why throw that away? Why throw your life away like that?"

His forced laugh made a cold shiver run down her spine, taking all the warmth she had managed to harvest in the last couple of hours and turning them into ice.

"Oh, so now you suddenly care about our relationship? Did you get zipped again?"

"I've always cared about you, Roman", she denied, clutching the phone in her hand more tightly as another painful headache hit her, together with a fragment of Roman's face looking up at her in defeat, screaming at her to pull the trigger. She felt her despair as deep and bone-crushing as it must've felt back then and she tried to keep talking, using everything Kurt had told her.

"I've only ever wanted to protect you, to keep you safe and I'm sorry I hurt you… I'm sorry I was so selfish", she heard herself plead with him. From the few things she knew about herself, she knew she hated begging but this was an emergency… this involved Roman and even when they had both been kids, he had always been the reason she could jump over her own shadow to do something she never would've done otherwise. "Just please let's stop fighting each other. We have a common enemy and we've always been much stronger together than we were apart."

"No", he cut her off forcefully, "You don't get to say that to me anymore. You were the one to give up on this family. You chose to erase our whole life together and you took that same choice away from me. You betrayed our family when you started your oh-so-wonderful new one. You are not my sister anymore, you're just her shell and she would be horrified to see what you chose to do with the sacrifice she made."

"I never chose anyone else over you", she gave back, angry tears pooling in her eyes as she remembered another snippet, of him telling her he hated her. "I know I've made mistakes but you were the one to turn away from me, from any possibility you had at redemption."

"Redemption is for good people, Jane", he drawled, "And we're not good people. There'll be a day when you are going to realize that we're just the same and your new family will turn their backs on you like you did on me and you'll be all alone again. Until then I'd advise you to always watch your back, I heard there are some assassins on the loose that would love to get their hands on you."

All it took was the click on the line, telling her the person on the other end had ended the call, to make her knees buckle and her whole body cramp. Fighting against the invisible force that had taken her body hostage, she clenched and unclenched her free hand several times until she felt more in control again.

One look at the phone in her other hand rendered that void, though and in a burst of aggression she wound up her arm and threw the phone as hard and far away from her as she could, equally frustrated and contend when the screen cracked after hitting the wall.

Pressing both hands to her temples now in an attempt to get her headache and the onslaught of memories of Roman under control, she choked out an "I need to get out of here", hoping someone with more control over their body, would help her get up because she doubted she would be able to stand on her own.

* * *

 **3 p.m.**

"Gotcha!", Patterson exclaimed, "That's four more for you. And I win. Again." She leaned back in her chair smugly, grinning at Tasha who simply glared at her as she collected her new cards.

Jane was watching the exchange but her mind was elsewhere.

Her friends, and especially Kurt, had insisted they should play some games instead of going out like she wanted to and here they were, on their third round of UNO after having already played two rounds of some board game. Everyone kept trying to lighten the mood and she appreciated them trying to take her mind off of that awful phone call but she hated sitting around doing nothing and the longer they kept her here the crazier she felt herself getting.

It didn't help that her headache was always there, not getting worse and nowhere near as awful as when she had woken up but still far from being pleasant. She didn't mind it so much, though, as it gave her a way to ground herself as more and more memories returned. To her big frustration they weren't actual memories like the one she had regained of Kurt and her going undercover but fragments that she couldn't quite piece together.

Most of these shreds involved the grown-up Roman, some were with Kurt and in some she couldn't even identify the people in them. The more pieces came back to the surface, randomly jumbled up, the more confused she got and the more she tried to hold on to the pounding in her head so to not lose her ties to reality.

Logically she knew that she should tell someone, probably Kurt, about her headache but realistically she also knew that they, especially Kurt, would start fussing about her non- stop and she really didn't want to go back to the hospital. Not when she had just started feeling like she knew this place she was living in.

Still, the longer she stayed here and watched her friends play the game – and occasionally playing her own cards – the harder it became to breathe. No matter how deeply she inhaled, the air didn't seem to contain enough oxygen to refuel her and involuntarily she started breathing faster until she could see tiny black dots in front of her eyes and she held her breath all together.

Pushing back her chair she stood up abruptly, knowing exactly the worried gazes that were bound to follow her, and got herself a glass of water from the kitchen. She had just started sipping when she heard the chatter from the table die down and felt a very familiar presence behind her.

"You could've told me, you wanted some water", Kurt told her with a frown, "I would've gotten you some."

"I know", she sighed, swallowing the last of the water before setting the glass down, "But I am capable of getting myself a glass of water without your assistance."

She realized that the sentence had come out sounding harsher than she had intended and before he could reply, trying to cover up the hurt look she had seen cross his face for a tiny second, she continued. "I just had to stretch my legs a little and the room is really stuffy so I thought maybe the air in the kitchen would be a little bit better."

"Do you want me to open a window?"

She shook her head, "What I want, Kurt", she told him matter-of-factly, "Is to go outside for half an hour to just walk around a little and act as if I'm a normal person like everyone else." Knowing the effect she had on him, she fluttered her eyelashes at him.

The frown on his forehead deepened and she huffed in frustration before he even got the words out that he had a bad feeling about it.

"If you don't like it, you don't have to go", she told him, crossing her arms in front of her chest stubbornly. She didn't care that she sounded like a child pouting. "I've been cooped up somewhere ever since I woke up in that hospital and I need to go out to breathe some actual air because I'm going stir- crazy in here. So, if you don't want to come, then don't. But I'm a grown up woman and I'm not letting you keep me here for another second. I'm going out."

When he sighed, she knew she had won and the prospect of getting out of here was enough for her to grin up at him happily, her headache and confusion and anger, momentarily forgotten as she leaned up to wrap her arms around him.

"Thank you", she whispered as he told the other's about the change of plans, earning himself some incredulous stares and 'You're completely wiped' comments.

He simply shook his head, his lips pressed together tightly but she could see the shadow of a smile in his eyes. "You're going to be the death of me."

* * *

 **4 p.m.**

It had taken them more than twenty minutes of preparation, including running over escape routes for every possible scenario and donning bullet proof vests, all of which had been Kurt's ideas, to get to the park at the end of their street and even though she felt the confinement of the vest, she couldn't remember ever feeling so liberated.

Kurt and her were at the front of their little procession with Avery occasionally stepping her pace up to talk to them and otherwise trailing behind them, engrossed in a conversation with Patterson about a new video game, while Tasha and Reade brought up the rear and they could hear their laughing and banter.

It didn't escape her notice that Kurt was on alert the whole time, eyeing every pedestrian that walked past them. He didn't discriminate between children, single males and elderly couples, they all got his suspicious look, and she was very much aware of his hand hovering over where his gun was hiding in the waistband of his jeans the entire time.

She studied him monitoring the perimeter and they walked a good deal of the way in silence. He was giving her the space he thought she needed and the time to think about whatever she wanted to think about but the longer she had the same few thoughts and memory fragments whirling through her mind over and over again the less she felt like thinking about anything at all.

After a few minutes in which she weighed the pros and cons, she slipped her hand into his and bit her lip in an attempt to hide her smile when he looked up at her, stopping his crisis assessment for the first time since they had left their apartment.

Now it was her turn to look everywhere but at him when she felt his confused gaze on her. Only when she felt him tug on her hand did she meet his eyes, glad to see a smile in his.

"What?", she wanted to know sweetly, "Are you too cool to hold hands with your wife in public? Or are you simply too grumpy?"

"I- uh", he was at a loss for words and she decided that this nonplussed look was one of her favorite looks on him and for a moment it made her forget about all the awful things and simply focus on the thousand tiny butterflies in her stomach. "We don't really do that usually."

"Oh", now it was her turn to frown, "Don't you like it?" Had she completely misinterpreted the situation and had made him feel uncomfortable? Was she really so different now from the person she had been when she had still had her memories?

Self- consciously she started pulling her hand away again but he stopped her, intertwining his fingers with hers and giving her hand a squeeze. "No, don't do that", he objected pulling her a little bit closer to his side, "I like it a lot. You just took me by surprise. But I think we should hold hands more often."

She was about to respond when a shot rang through the peaceful quiet and all of the sudden the thriving park they had stepped into, felt a lot more like a battle field.

Kurt shoved her behind a tree before she had time to think, letting go of her hand as he pulled his weapon, already trying to pinpoint the shooter's location.

"Avery!", she cried out as soon as she had gotten herself under control and she scrambled to the bush Avery and Patterson were hiding behind. The blonde had her weapon at the ready as well and when Jane found Tasha and Reade hiding behind two other trees she saw they had pulled theirs as well. She pulled hers only after she had made sure the girl was safe and sound and when Patterson moved to get a closer look at the threat, she stayed with her daughter, covering her.

"This is the FBI. Stand down!", she heard Kurt's voice echo through the place and then two more shots and a curse.

"Kurt?", she called out, leaning far enough forward to get a glimpse at him hiding behind the tree. Her stomach revolted when she saw the cut burned into the sleeve of his shirt, and the blood drenching the fabric around it dark red.

With this before her inner eyes she stepped out from behind her cover, her face full of determination and her mind red with rage, and aimed two shots at the wooden castle on the playground the shooter was hiding behind.

Cowering back behind the plant, Jane tried to even her breathing as she heard Reade and Tasha exchange some more shots with their attacker, both closing in on him when the other gave them cover. Meanwhile Patterson was sneaking off in the other direction, undoubtedly to surprise him from the other side and Kurt was still clutching his arm, cursing silently.

She was torn between needing to check up on him and keeping an eye on Avery but before she could resolve her dilemma, she already saw him stepping out from behind the tree with his hands raised and his gun on the ground.

Cursing him under her breath she sidled closer, telling Avery in no uncertain terms to stay put, as she looked for the best advantage point now that Kurt had taken the assailant by surprise by putting himself on the line.

What a dumb plan. What a stupidly stubborn man. What was he thinking?

The assassin didn't seem to be after Kurt, though, because he still hadn't let off another shot. Maybe Kurt had realized that and had thought he'd be safe as long as he wasn't the target? But how long until the shooter would tire of him covering for whoever he wanted to kill and simply shoot him to move on to his real objective?

Apparently the shooter was less impatient than she was but his patience still wore thin at some point and when it did and he stood up – only barely, but enough to give up his cover – four shots hit him before he could even pull the trigger. Two in the chest, one in his leg and one in his head.

Letting the team clear the area and identify the shooter, Jane jumped up from where she had squatted down on the ground and ran over to Kurt furiously.

"What the hell?", she practically shouted at him when she had assessed the extent of his injury only to find he was well enough to get yelled at. "What were you thinking?", she demanded, drilling her index finger into his bullet proof vest, "He could've shot you in the head without thinking twice about it! How could you do that? How could you risk yourself like that and-" Her voice broke as a tiny sob escaped her lips and she hauled herself at him, throwing her arms around him in a desperate hug.

"It's okay", she heard his soft voice in her ear as his arm came around her to rub her back soothingly.

She shook her head stubbornly, trying to stifle another snuffle and only mildly failing, "But you couldn't have known that… he could've.."

"But he didn't, Jane", he told her seriously, earning himself a punch to his chest. "Ouch! What was that for?"

She sniffled angrily, "That's for being stupid and making me cry."


	4. 5 - 8 pm

**A/N:** Because your reviews made me so happy today and because I won't be able to post tomorrow, you'll get the next chapter today :)  
Round of applaus for Lemonade652 for realizing I tend to put references of my older stories into my writings (and of stories I've been meaning to write for weeks) which is always really fun for me.

Also to that Guest review: I love your idea and I'd love to read something like that but as far as this story goes, I have it almost finished and sadly there's no room for it in here. The next two parts are going to be focussing a lot on Jeller :) Hope you still like what I wrote instead.

Enjoy x

* * *

 **5 p.m.**

She had her eyes closed as she was laying on the couch, leaning her head against the backrest without moving. Her feet were resting on the coffee table and her hands were resting in her lap. Distantly she heard Kurt making noise in the kitchen, heard him open and close the tap and then some more clatter of dishes.

For the first time since she could remember it were just the two of them in their apartment, with Avery having gone back to her safe house for the evening and the other's having gone their respective ways, promising they would come back tomorrow to check in on her.

As much as she had loved having them around, especially having Avery around, she was grateful for the current quiet and she was still debating whether that made her an awful mother and horrible friend or if it was something everyone else experienced, too.

Muffled footsteps told her Kurt was coming back before she heard the sound of two glasses and a plate being put down on the table and felt the couch shift underneath her as he sat down next to her. He let out a sigh when he made himself comfortable in a similar position and the noise made her look up, blinking a few times until her tired eyes focused on him.

He had his eyes closed and was leaning back against the backrest much like she just had, his eyes closed and his arms crossed in front of his chest. For a moment she took the opportunity to simply watch him without him watching her back. His chest was rising up and down evenly with every breath he took and the worn loose t-shirt he had changed into was moving ever so slightly with every heartbeat.

Following a sudden impulse she reached out to put her hand over his heart tentatively, watching his eyes flutter open in surprise but instead of moving away like she had half-expected him to, he simply uncrossed his arms and put one hand over hers, lacing his fingers with hers but never moving them from his chest.

"Are you okay?", he asked softly, rubbing his thumb over her hand gently.

She nodded, concentrating on the beating of his heart beneath their joined hands before looking up at him, meeting his worried gaze with a smile. "I'm fine, just a little tired."

"Why don't you try to get some sleep?", he suggested but before the words had even left his mouth she was already shaking her head with a frown. "Why not?"

Biting her bottom lip she looked away for a moment – seeing the grapes he had so thoughtfully put on the table – before meeting his eyes again. "I think I'm scared it'll go away if I close my eyes for too long", she admitted, "And on top of that… I would just really like to enjoy this moment right now."

"Whatever you want", he told her with a smile, "But promise me that you are going to go to sleep at some point."

Jane laughed, the sound echoing through their home, "I promise."

She realized then that she was half lying and half sitting on the couch rather awkwardly now and it didn't take long for Kurt to catch her train of thoughts and he shifted again, making room for her to get comfortable next to him. Instead of just moving closer, she put her head on his chest, were their hands had just been, liking the way his arm immediately came around her, building her very own sanctuary.

"This is nice", she said, stifling a yawn and feeling his quiet laugh vibrating through his chest and she rolled her eyes, knowing he wouldn't even see it.

"Can you tell me our story?", she asked him, raising her head slightly to look into his eyes. "I mean", she tried to explain, "I know you've told me my story and I've heard our friends' stories but what is our story?" As if to make her point clear, she raised their still intertwined hands. "I have some fragments but I can't really make sense of them. Would you tell me?"

* * *

 **6 p.m.**

 _She found herself in a hallway paved with polished black stone that reflected the sparse light of the flickering lamps on the ceiling. Raising her head, squinting against the brightness her eyes weren't used to, she tried to make out the sort of lamp. It seemed like as good a place to start as any but when she had made out the fluorescent tube, she realized that stopping the light from flickering wouldn't get her anywhere._

 _Instead she lowered her head again and looked around for the first time, slowly pivoting around herself, trying to find some indication as to where she was. The dark walls seemed to go on forever in both directions and – for a lack of a better alternative – she chose the direction she had been facing and took the first step._

 _Her legs felt like bricks, unwilling to move forward, but after the first five steps she felt the hardness from within them melt and started moving more quickly._

 _Every once in a while she would hear a whisper coming from the walls and every time she would whirl around, trying to apprehend whoever was behind her but every time the hallway behind her was empty, looking exactly as deserted as the one in front of her. She kept walking, though, her feet dragging her faster and faster forward the longer she went on until she found herself starting to run._

 _Her long unruly hair was flailing around her head, blocking her view and getting stuck in her mouth as she started panting harder the faster she ran. At some point she tried to stop but her feet that had slowed her down before, were now keeping her from coming to a stand._

 _She felt the panic rise in her chest and her stomach cramp with fear but instead of letting it take over, she tried to channel the energy into her muscles, willing them to go faster so she would get_ somewhere _._

 _The doors appeared out of nowhere but once she laid eyes on them her body slowed down until she came to a halt ten feet away from them. Trying to regain some of her composure, she ran her hand through her long hair to get it out of her face, only to realize that instead of the long, straight hair that had given her so much grieve while running, she found short unruly locks and when she lowered her hand in confusion she saw the tattoos grazing her skin for the first time._

 _The honeycomb tattoo felt oddly familiar but she knew that if she were to pull up the sleeves of her sweatshirt, she would find her arms covered in more drawings._

 _Focusing back on the three doors, she walked over to the one on the far left – an old wooden door with rusty hinges that looked like it had seen better days – and closed her fingers around the handle. The second she touched it she heard a loud, blood-curling scream and before she could pull away she felt the door being opened, pulling her inside the room behind it._

 _Disoriented she tried to make out something, anything, in the dark chamber she had fallen into but it was darker than outside in the hallway and even when her eyes had adjusted, she could barely make out her own hand in front of them. Still she moved forward, clinging to the rough walls cautiously as she made her way towards the only light in the small room._

 _When she turned the corner to find the source of the light there wasn't another door like she had expected but a wide hall filled with dirty mattresses and emaciated children. Some were cuffed to the rare bedposts, pillars or simply to one another, their empty eyes following her every movement as she stepped inside. Her own eyes, however, were completely focused on one child at the end of the room who had his back turned to her._

 _Slowly she crossed the room, trying to ignore the stares of the other kids until she had reached him. Raising her head to reach out to him, she was startled when he turned around and she could see his face for the first time._

 _"_ _Roman."_

 _The name escaped her lips and she wanted to hold onto the boy with the gaping wound running from his forehead all the way down to his cheek but before she could touch him and before she could hear his reply, she felt herself being pulled backwards and no matter how much she fought it or how loud she screamed, the force threw her out of the room, closing the door behind her with a loud bang._

 _The second she regained control over her limbs she scrambled to her feet and tried the handle again, to no avail this time. The door wouldn't open again, wouldn't even let her move the handle._

 _Straightening back up, she took two hesitant steps towards the next door, hoping to find a way into the room she had just left._

 _This door, made from stainless steel, was much newer than the first one she had opened but more intimidating. Where the last door had looked like the legacy of a lost generation – a family home that had been abandoned and left to rot away for itself – this one was very clinical but the closer she got, the more she felt a overwhelming power radiate from it. A presence that she couldn't quite describe but that made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up and a cold shudder run down her back._

 _Quickly her gaze flickered to the last door, the nicest looking one, and a part of her wanted to abandon the impersonal door in front of her and run to the one that felt so familiar, but she had to know what was behind it. She had to find that bleeding child again – it felt important._

 _Roman._

 _The name she had uttered when the boy had turned around kept circling through her mind as if looking for something – something that she should know, a counterpart, something that belonged with it. Squaring her shoulders she reached for the handle and as soon as her hand touched the cold metal, she knew what she had been looking for._

 _"_ _Remi."_

 _The voice was pervasive and so loud that she felt the baritone resonate in her own ribcage but she couldn't make out who it belonged to, though she had a feeling that she knew exactly who it was._

 _"_ _Roman?", she called out, circling the round room carefully. There were at least twelve doors, all looking exactly the same and they all felt frighteningly empty. "Where am I?", she wanted to know but all she got in return was a cold laugh._

 _If he was the child with the bleeding face, maybe he was taking revenge on her. Had she hurt him? She couldn't remember it but it didn't feel right. When she tried to pull his face up in her mind, he was smiling up at her and reaching for her with his small hands._

 _The longer she stood there the colder she felt, as if the room was eating up her soul and draining all the warmth from her._

 _Turning around she tried to pinpoint the door she had entered through but it had gone back to looking exactly like all the other doors and – turning around once more – she felt herself starting to panic. Her breathing started going faster and her movements grew erratic as she tried to pull at some of the door handles._

 _"_ _Please, help me", she tried again to get a response, hearing the pleading in her own voice._

 _"_ _You're weak", the voice sounded again and this time it was accompanied by a person. A tall figure with sandy hair, dressed in all black with his hands in the pocket of his jeans, was walking towards her as if he had no care in the world._

 _"_ _Roman", she whispered, moving towards him and stopping only short of where he now stood. The scar was still visible on his face but his eyes were as cold as the ones of the other children – nothing there telling of the love and warmth she remembered seeing in them once upon a time. Maybe this room was sucking the warmth from him, too. Maybe she needed to get him out of here… maybe that was why she had been sent here._

 _"_ _We need to get out of here", she told him urgently, trying to reach out to him only to grasp into thin air because suddenly he was standing behind her._

 _"_ _No", he denied, almost sadly, "I can't leave this place." His eyes found hers, a dark spark in them, when he shot her a false smile. "And I won't let you, either."_

 _She shook her head, trying to get as far away from him as possible, but the room seemed to be getting smaller and smaller the harder she tried to pull away and he was only a few feet away from her when he pulled his hands from his pockets._

 _They were holding on to a knife and she saw her own frightened face reflected in the blade just before he made his move._

 _"_ _No!", she screamed, jumping to the side to avoid being hit. Twisting around she grabbed his hand that was holding the knife and pinned it behind him. But she had a weak angle and before she could steady her footing he had pushed her away and raised the knife again, regarding her with an unreadable expression._

 _"_ _This is where you belong", he told her, "You belong with me. I'm not letting you leave again."_

 _With that he threw himself at her once more and she couldn't move fast enough to get away completely, she could only deflect the blade so it cut her upper arm instead of hitting her stomach._

 _"_ _Why would you do that?", she wanted to know through gritted teeth, pushing him away with all her might. "Come out with me. It's this room, it's making us think horrible things."_

 _He only growled from the depth of his throat as they wrestled on the floor until she was finally able to overbear him, clutching the knife she had taken from him to her chest breathlessly._

 _"_ _Then kill me!", he suddenly screamed, tears running down his face, "End me now!"_

 _"_ _No!", she cried out, letting the knife fall to the floor as her own tears clouded her sight. "It doesn't have to end like this."_

 _"_ _Yes, it does."_

 _Just like that, the person in front of her that she knew in her heart she loved so much, lost all resemblance to the young boy she remembered and he bared his teeth like a feral animal, growling as he grew taller and taller in front of her eyes._

 _She did the only thing she could think of and bolted for the door furthest away from him, grateful when it opened up and let her back into the endless hallway she had come from. Without pausing – she could still feel his hot breath on her neck – she ran towards the last door, pulling it open as fast as she could and letting it fall close behind her._

 _Sinking back against the solid wood she shut her eyes tightly to help her regain her bearings and when she opened them back up she could see she had landed in a family home. A familiar family home._

 _Two people were currently facing away from her, laughing about something quietly and it warmed her heart when the dark-haired teenage girl reached out to hug the man. Over the girl's back she met the man's blue eyes and they twinkled when they recognized her._

 _"_ _We were worried you wouldn't come", he told her with a smile, pulling back from the girl ever so gently. "Avery decided to take care of dinner today. Why don't you come closer?"_

 _She wanted to._

 _She wanted nothing more than to go over to them and hug them and share a laugh with them._

 _But when she made the first move, she saw a shadow slipping from the wall, following her close on her heels. When she stopped dead in her tracks, so did the shadowy figure, but when she moved forward again, it followed again – growing bigger and bigger the closer she got to the man and girl who were completely oblivious to the impending danger._

 _"_ _No", she whispered desperately, trying to move further away from them to get the shadow to stop moving closer but she had lost all control over it and instead of sticking to her movements, it moved along the walls by itself, getting closer and closer to them until it morphed back into Roman, a big cold grin on his face as he pulled his knife._

 _"_ _KURT! NO!"_

Her scream woke her up and her lungs felt like she had just run a marathon, bursting with the lack of oxygen. She felt like she couldn't breathe, like there was a huge brick sitting right on her ribcage, hindering her from pushing oxygen into her lungs.

"Jane!"

She twisted her body around so fast that she had almost fallen off the couch hadn't Kurt caught her around the waist and pulled her back into him. Her eyes darted through the apartment – the very normal, very peaceful looking apartment – until they settled on him and when she met his worried eyes she was finally able to breathe again. Or so she thought, until the first sob escaped her lips and the next one soon followed until she completely succumbed to them, letting all of her fear and pain out.

"Shh", she felt him more than saw him through the veil of tears and let him place her hand on his reassuringly steady beating heart until she managed to match her breath to his.

"I-I'm sorry", she managed to croak out after a while, "I-"

"It's okay, it was a bad dream but you're fine", he tried to reassure her but she shook her head, sitting up on the couch.

"You were… Roman was trying to kill you and Avery. And I brought him into our home… he must've followed me from that other room and when I wanted to come to you, he- he…" The words got stuck in her throat again and instead of explaining she let him pull her halfway onto his lap and curled up into his chest.

"I'm okay, I'm right here, we're safe."

She let his soothing voice calm her down once more but before she could let him lull her back to sleep, she tried to move out of his embrace. "I can't… I don't want to sleep… I'm…"

"Jane. Hey, look at me."

After a moment she did as she was told and met his worried, loving gaze once more, "Nothing is going to happen to you, I promise. If you don't want to sleep then you don't have to but I'll stay right here with you. I'm not going anywhere."

Against her better judgment she felt herself nod and her eyes grow heavy again but she was fighting them as hard as she could, still scared of the last thing her dreams had brought her.

Until she felt the low rumble of his chest against her ear as he started to hum a song that sounded familiar to her and just like that, she felt the fear leave her body bit by bit and the longer he kept humming the song, the more peacefully she settled into his embrace until she fell into a more peaceful slumber.

* * *

 **7 p.m.**

When Jane woke up again, it took her minute to realize why.

She wasn't curled up around Kurt anymore. The thought of how she had fallen asleep made a blush creep into her cheeks but she shook her head in an attempt to wipe away the now familiar giddiness she felt whenever he was concerned. That was when she noticed another presence in the room.

Looking up in alarm, her eyes landed on Tasha who was standing several feet away from the couch clutching a small parcel to her chest, meeting her eyes with her very own wide-eyed stare. Jane relaxed slightly when the Latina finally let out the breath she had been holding with an awkward chuckle.

"I'm sorry I woke you", she whispered, before rubbing her arm self-consciously, "Uh- I guess I don't have to whisper anymore", she noted.

"It's okay", Jane reassured her, sitting up completely now. She scooted over to the other side of the couch – taking the wonderfully soft blanket Kurt must've tugged her into earlier with her – and patted the spot next to her with a small smile.

After a brief moment of hesitation, Tasha closed the remaining distance and plopped down next to her. She was still holding on to the small package and when she saw Jane eyeing it curiously, she held out her hand until her friend reached for it hesitantly.

"What's this?", Jane asked weighing the parcel in her hands.

"Uh-", again Tasha seemed to be at a loss for words – still unsure how she should address Jane, "It's just a little something I came across when I went for a walk. It's from a Latin-American bakery a couple of blocks from my home. My _abuela_ always said they can cure anything, especially a broken heart", she laughed quietly, watching Jane unwrap the sweets, "Of course she also says that about every other food, too. But uh- yeah, you like them a lot and so I thought I could bring some over. Kurt said-"

"Where is Kurt?", Jane interrupted her, looking up from the small globes she had unraveled, just now noticing that he was nowhere to be seen or heard.

"He went out to get dinner when I got here. He didn't want you to wake up on your own and so he asked me to stay. I hope that's okay with you?", she asked in an uncertain voice, "Now that you're awake I could probably leave and-"

"No", Jane stopped her, pointing to the sweets in her lap, "You still haven't told me what these are and you have to at least eat one of them with me. Besides", she grinned, "Somehow I get the feeling Kurt wouldn't be very happy if I was home alone when the doctor explicitly told him I need to be in company for the next twenty-four hours."

Shooting her a lopsided grin of her own, Tasha started to relax back into the couch again. "You might be right about that. You've told me about his overbearing ways before but I've never seen them this pronounced when we were around until now."

They shared a laugh, falling into a comfortable silence for a bit, each woman hanging onto their own thoughts, both not entirely certain how to talk to each other. But by now Jane was used to that feeling and was the first to overcome her shyness.

"Are we good friends?", she asked the Latina.

A little startled Tasha looked at her and shrugged. "We're all friends and we usually go out in a group or when we're having a girl's night out it's the three of us, with Avery tagging along every once in a while now.."

"But?", Jane inquired when the other woman let the sentence hang in the air and didn't make any attempts to finish the thought that Jane was sure was on her mind.

Tasha smiled, "You've always been too good at reading people", she told her lightly before growing serious once more, "I've … No, I think it started sooner than that. We've been friends for some time but when you and Kurt were … going through that rough patch about Avery and Clem…", she trailed of, searching Jane's eyes to see if she should stop talking but whatever she found there, made her next words sound more certain.

"You were staying at some hotel for a week or so and I've tried to get you to ditch that hotel room and stay over at my place instead for days. I think I was a little worried you would run away again", she admitted, "And I wanted to show you that whatever happens we'll… I'll always be there for you. Anyway, I got you to come over at some point and we had a few drinks and talked and I guess ever since then we've been talking more to each other. And then I did something and while everyone else was shutting me out, you reached out to me and made me stay in your guestroom because I think you were worried for me… I'm really grateful for that."

Blinking away the tears that had started forming in her eyes – and when that wouldn't do the trick, wiping them away with the ball of her hand – Jane smiled at Tasha apologetically. "I'm sorry.. I don't know what came over me. It's just… I think I remember a little bit of that… And I know that I was pretty grateful, too. Thank you for being my friend."

"Nonono", Tasha shook her head and Jane laughed when she met her now equally glassy eyes. "Don't make me cry, woman", the Latina muttered in frustration, "I don't cry… never."

The persistence in her friend's voice made Jane only laugh harder and at some point Tasha joined in, not caring about the single teardrop that made its way down her cheek.

When they stopped laughing, they were both holding their bellies and lay sprawled out on the couch breathlessly.

"You still haven't told me what these things are that cure broken hearts", Jane grinned up at Tasha, pointing to the mess she had made.

Tasha looked over and upon seeing Jane's endearing innocent expression and the coconut graters spread all over her favorite green blanket, she started laughing again.

"They're called _Cocadas_."

* * *

 **8 p.m.**

"Don't answer that", she told him firmly, staring at the lit up screen of his phone he was holding in his hand.

"If this is Roman – which we don't even know for sure – then it could be important", he argued, "we don't know what he wants!"

"We know exactly what he wants!", Jane gave back fiercely, stepping closer to him. "He wants us to be as miserable as he is. He wants to hurt us… hurt you! I won't let him!"

She was glaring at him from still a few feet away, glad when he seemed to at least be listening to her without making a move to answer the unknown number that had been calling his phone for the last minute or so. They were both fairly certain who was trying to call him but, unlike him, she was dead against continuing playing her brother's games.

In their heated conversation she had started pacing through the living room and they had ended up on opposite sides of the room.

"Trust me, I don't want to take this call any more than you do", Kurt tried reasoning again, approaching her slowly, "But we don't know what he's going to do if we don't play along."

"How much worse than sending hitmen to kill us, our friends and possibly Avery, can it be?", she wanted to know in exasperation, the fight draining out of her when the phone stopped ringing. "I can't believe this is my brother we're talking about", she admitted quietly, "I used to know him so well and now… I don't understand what happened. I mean I do … but I don't and that scares me because we've come from the same place. If he's capable of doing something like that who's to say…?" She couldn't bring herself to finish the question, the half- finished sentence looming over them.

Kurt took the last few steps until he was standing right in front of her, his phone still in his hand while the other reached out to cup her cheek, tipping her chin up so she would meet his eyes.

"We don't know what's going on inside his head. He thought that you choosing to work with us would automatically make you work against him", he told her seriously, "Now, don't look at me like that, I'm not trying to defend him! But when he made that choice he also felt betrayed because you lied to him and he acted impulsively. I've made that mistake", he admitted, reminding her of what he had told her earlier. He hated it but he hated how doubtful she was of her own goodness more.

She shook her head adamantly but he shot her a sad smile and nodded in disagreement. "I might not have ordered assassins to kill you but I did turn my back on you and you suffered the consequences of my impulsive behavior."

"It's not the same thing", she denied, pulling her face away from his gentle touch but instead grabbing his hand with hers, tracing the wedding band on his finger carefully. "He tried to hurt the people he knows I love. He lied to us, used us, made you think you killed my daughter and then he tried to kill you. I can't let him get away with that… I can't let him hurt you."

"You're not", he said, turning his hand in hers to lace his fingers through hers, "What Roman does is only up to Roman. Besides it's not your sole job to take care of me… We take care of each other, we always have." Raising their intertwined hands to his lips he pressed a lingering kiss to the back of her hand. "But I need you to acknowledge that he's still your brother and just a few hours ago you couldn't remember any of us… only him. That has to change the way you see him and that's okay. He's your family and I know how fiercely you love and protect your family."

Jane stayed quiet for a while, simply watching him as he watched her, before she spoke again. "I might not remember much but I remember enough to know that you are my family now. He's proven that he's too far gone when he tried to kill us again and I can't…", she swallowed the lump in her throat, "I don't _want_ to love someone like that. What kind of person loves someone like that?"

"Someone with a heart as big as yours", he told her seriously, "And that is exactly what I love about you so much. You never gave up on me, no matter how many reasons I gave you to do just that."

"You're telling me I should just go up and forgive him?", she retorted, with a raised eyebrow, clearly questioning his judgement, "Because Avery told me the exact opposite earlier today."

Shaking his head he pulled her just a little bit closer. "I'm telling you to trust yourself to not turn out like him just because the two of you have had the same upbringing. You're Jane and your choices every day are what makes you you. Roman is a different person, choosing differently, but those are his choices and they don't change the person you are."

"Thank you", she whispered and, following a sudden urge, leaned into him, pressing her face into his chest, enjoying the way his arms came around her waist to hold on to her. "But I still don't think we should continue playing his games by returning his phone calls whenever he pleases. I don't like him calling the shots. We need to find a way to lure him out of the shadows he's hiding in, like when we called him on Blake's phone."

"We'll find a way", he replied with a small smile, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, "But not tonight. For now you need to rest and let me take care of you. How's your headache faring?"

* * *

 **A/N 2** : btw, if anyone feels like writing a sequence of Weller telling Jane about their story I encourage you to do that, I'd love to read it but I didn't have the muse to write it!


	5. 9 pm - 1 am

**A/N:** Bless public holidays! Somehow it feels surreal this is already over, I had loads of fun writing this and I want to thank you for your amazing feedback, for favoriting and following this story and especially for everyone leaving me their two cents about this in a review - you all made my last (very stressful) week very much enjoyable. Now I really gotta concentrate on preparing for my first state examination, so if you see me posting something else, that means I'm procrastinating (again).

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about the last part of this but I hope you enjoy it. Tell me what you think! x

* * *

 **9 p.m.**

She took another step closer to the mirror, dropping the loose cardigan she had been wearing all day to the floor, and took a closer look at the woman staring back at her from the reflection.

Slowly she let her eyes wander over all the drawings on her body, taking in the tattoos so permanently etched into her skin. She followed them with her hand up her arm until she reached the sleeve of her t-shirt and stopped there, looking back at the woman in the mirror who met her eyes unblinking.

These tattoos were so foreign to her and yet at the same time, she couldn't picture herself without them anymore. Just hours ago they had scared her, had been herald for all the things that had happened to her that she couldn't remember and now…

Following a sudden instinct, she pulled her shirt over her head and let it fall to the ground and her pants soon followed, creating a small pile of clothes at her feet that she stepped over to get a closer look at herself in the mirror.

Of their own accord her eyes wandered down to her stomach, grazed by a red, burning rose, and her hands came up to cover it protectively. It was stupid to try to protect a fetus that didn't exist – at least not inside of her anymore – but it was the one thing that she hadn't been able to shake ever since she had woken up in the hospital. She still felt the warmth and the love, radiating from her abdomen to her heart just like when she had been pregnant with Avery.

But Avery was a young woman now, and had spent eighteen years of her life without her. She was grateful they had the relationship they did and she was trying to come to terms with that fact.

Still, she was protective of her belly.

For a moment she kept her hands pressed to the painted skin on her lower abdomen, letting herself live in the memory of having a little life growing inside of her and of her brother loving this little life more than anything, but when she opened her eyes back up, she let her arms drop to her side and tried to push the moment back into her mind.

 _You're not pregnant anymore_ , she kept telling herself, ignoring the part of her heart that simply didn't want to believe her mind.

Instead she busied her hands by getting rid of her sports bra and panties, too, until she was standing in the bedroom completely naked, taking in every little detail on her body as if she was seeing it for the first time, which in some ways she was.

She followed the dark lines, tried to make sense of the seemingly random structures and pictures on her skin and kept hoping that one of these pesky little fragments that were still lingering in her mind just out of her reach, would come back to her. She was sick of only knowing half of the story, of only being told everything instead of remembering for herself because she knew that her friends would tell her stories just a little bit differently from what she remembered feeling at the time – if she remembered anything.

Usually they would make her look better and themselves look worse and she hated not knowing what really happened, hated depending on their stories to fill the blanks in her own past for her and she tried so hard not to think about the possibility of her current predicament being permanent.

Some things had come back, mostly inklings and hunches and what her intuition told her but it was not the same thing and she had hoped that the tattoos would trigger something more, they had spent their time chasing them after all, hadn't they?

Having completed her first inventory of her front, Jane craned her neck now to get a better look at her back and stared at the bold capital letters that were staring right back at her.

 _KURT WELLER FBI_

She had seen the tattoo through the back neckline in her wedding dress on the video they watched and of course Kurt had told her about it, but for the first time now she really looked at it and made herself realize just how big of an impact the man who was currently preparing their dinner had had on her life and her body.

Maybe it was the knowledge that they were bound together in more ways than marriage that made her feel this absolute certainty about their future together but she doubted that was the sole reason. She knew she loved him, although she couldn't remember all the details and reasons why she did, and she knew that this love funded on something greater than just his name being tattooed on her back.

 _Speaking of the devil_ , she thought when she heard his footsteps approaching and briefly considered covering herself up but before she could even pick up her cardigan from the floor, he had already entered their bedroom, the small smile on his lips freezing in place when he took in her appearance.

As awkward as the moment could've been, she enjoyed his obvious reaction to her body more than she would like to admit, especially to herself. She hadn't yet decided whether she felt beautiful with these tattoos but the way Kurt was staring at her right now, his mouth hanging slightly open, made her feel as powerful as a goddess and she loved that feeling.

Taking a hesitant step towards him she tried not to feel too hurt when he adverted his eyes and turned to leave the room, telling her that dinner was ready.

"Kurt", she called his name, catching his hand and making him stop in his tracks before he could flee the room.

She tugged at his hand until he turned back towards her, his eyes stubbornly resting on her face with so much heat in them that he tried to hide from her. But she didn't want him to hide it, she wanted him to show her and it frustrated her to no end that he didn't make any effort to shorten the distance between them.

"Would you kiss me?", she asked him quietly, shyly and his eyes widened in confusion and worry.

He didn't reply anything but she could see the 'No' already forming on his lip and, feeling discouraged, she started stepping back. Before she had lifted one foot off the ground, though, he took her face in both of his hands and her eyes fluttered close, anticipating the feeling of his lips on hers that she missed so much but instead she felt him press a kiss to her forehead before taking a step back again and gently letting go of her hands.

"Dinner's getting cold", he told her innocently when she scowled at him and she rolled her eyes, muttering "So am I", under her breath, immediately hoping he hadn't heard it but of course he had. As if Kurt Weller would miss anything that related to her.

"No you're not", he replied with a shadow of a smile that she couldn't quite read and a sadness in his eyes that didn't match his tone. "You are very, very hot. And now get dressed so we can get you fed."

-.-.-

 **10 p.m.**

"I'm fine", she told him without looking up from her lap where her sketchbook was resting and she had started drawing mostly random patterns.

"The doctor said to go back to the hospital should you experience any sort of pain", he reminded her, his hand still on her forehead, feeling for her temperature before moving down and putting it on the base of her neck, apparently not sensing anything out of the ordinary there either. Not like that would've stopped him. "I'm getting a thermometer", he told her, getting up from the couch and walking over to the kitchen where she knew the first aid kit was being stored.

One of their first aid kits anyway.

When he had his back turned to her, she looked up, following him with her eyes as he padded barefoot through the living room, still in the rumpled shirt he had worn all day.

"Why do you even have a thermometer?", she asked him, cocking her head to the side, "I thought those were only important to have with kids." She had googled that.

"Well, A", he responded while squatting down, looking through the cabinet, "My sister and her kid lived with me at some point, and B", he looked back over his shoulder at her as he pulled the small bag from the cupboard, "I have to be able to take care of you, don't I?"

"I thought we took care of each other?", she grinned innocently as she threw his earlier words back at him.

Shaking his head he returned to the couch and put his haul on the coffee table. "We do", he agreed absentmindedly, "But you're the one fresh out of a coma experiencing headaches."

"I told you they're not that bad."

Jane rolled her eyes as he pulled out the thermometer and obligingly turned her head to the side so he could access her ear. She waited until the device beeped, announcing it had a figure for them and when Kurt didn't say anything, she turned her head back to look at him. He was staring at the tool as if it alone was responsible for his unteachable wife.

"I told you. It's fine."

"Just because you're not heating up, doesn't mean you're fine", he responded in mock annoyance.

Jane giggled and leaned forward to put her head against his shoulder. Physical contact always seemed to lessen the ever-present pain in her temple as if the heat of his body burned away everything that was wrong in the world.

"I almost get the feeling you want me to be sick", she teased him, glad when instead of pouting some more, he leaned back against the backrest and let her curl up on his lap. She almost purred when his hands came up to gently caress her head, taking turns massaging her temples and her neck.

"I don't want you to be sick", he replied with a heavy sigh, "I'm just worried about something happening to you. I can't… I can't lose you and I've come so close just a few days ago."

His voice broke and she turned slightly so she could reach out to cup his face with her hand, stroking his beard when he leaned into her touch, "I'm right here", she told him quietly.

"But you lost your memories. I just-", he sighed again, turning his head to press a kiss into her palm before covering her hand with his tentatively, "I wish I could just wrap you in bubble wrap and blankets and keep you far away from the rest of the world. I wish I could keep you safe."

"If it's of any help to you", Jane broke the silence that had descended on them after his words, "I feel the same way about you. And the reason why I don't want to go to the hospital is…", she trailed of, not sure how to put into words what she was feeling.

"What is it, Jane?", his worried voice pulled her out of her own thoughts and she smiled involuntarily at him.

"I feel like I'm having these headaches because my mind is trying to wrap itself around these new memories I'm recovering", she told him, biting her lips as she tried to find better words, "Like a computer that's only ever been working with a limited program and it just takes time to install that new software and it takes more of its usual working storage to integrate all the new information but once the download and installation are complete, it'll run just as smoothly as it did before, only better because it now has more data it can access."

"Since when do you talk in computer metaphors?", he frowned at her, and she shrugged, "Something Patterson told me earlier."

"So you think the headaches are just a byproduct of your brain trying to process the memories that are coming back?", Kurt repeated, "But then why won't you let me take you to the hospital, just to get it checked out?"

"Because you shouldn't disturb a computer when it's installing a new program", she muttered in exasperation, her voice muffled by the fabric of his t-shirt she had buried her head in.

Gently his hand that was still tangled in her hair, tipped her head to the side again so she would meet his eyes. "But you're not a computer", he told her kindly, "What are you afraid of?"

She sighed, propping herself up on her elbows first before sitting up on the couch once more, leaning her head back against his shoulder so she wouldn't have to meet his eyes and could simultaneously enjoy the contact.

"I'm scared of them giving me some drug to sleep or something and I'm scared that if they make me go to sleep like that it could ruin all the progress I've made today", she admitted quietly, "And I'm scared that I won't get all my memories back. I'm grateful for you and our friends and Avery but I want to remember these things myself."

"You said you've regained some of them already, didn't you?", he inquired gently, rubbing his hand up and down her spine reassuringly.

"Yes, but there's still so much emptiness in me."

Jane felt his head lean against hers and his arms coming around her more steadily, pulling her closer into the cocoon he made for her with his body.

Her voice was so quiet, she wasn't sure how he could even make out the words but of course he could.

"What if I never get them back?", she asked, afraid of the answer and hating the tears that sprung to her eyes at the thought. She shook her head, trying to wipe away the weakness and the insecurities she had felt all day but of course that wouldn't work. All it did do was help two tears escape from her eyes, pushing them down her cheek and letting them drip from the tip of her nose.

"Jane, look at me", his voice brought her back once more and he continued only when she did as he asked, seeing his eyes were glazed with unshed tears just like hers.

"I believe you will get them back with all my heart", he told her, taking her face into both of his hands, making sure she understood what he was saying.

He surrounded her and being surrounded by him steadied her and so she let herself fall into his embrace, metaphorically, giving up the last restraint on her tears that she had had and let them fall freely down her cheeks and wet his hands, too.

Leaning forward he kissed every wet spot on her face, his stubble tickling her until she let out the first giggle that broke through the sobs and managed to keep the next one at bay.

"With that said", he continued as if nothing had happened, his thumbs rubbing small circles on her cheeks, "Even if you should never regain those memories, then we'll simply make new ones, okay? It'll be just another starting point."

* * *

 **11 p.m.**

Kurt lingered underneath the warm spray of the shower just a little while longer, trying to wrap his head around everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours.

For as long as Jane had been awake he hadn't been able to pull away to take that long needed shower but when she had wrinkled her nose at him in mock disgust he had taken the not-so-subtle hint and had headed for the bathroom. Not before asking her if she needed anything for at least five more times, but that went without saying.

He knew he was being overbearingly protective but he couldn't help it. Every fiber of his being wanted to take care of her, wanted to give her everything she deserved and then some more.

As he let the water run down his tired body soothingly, he closed his eyes thinking back to just a day ago when he hadn't even known if she would wake up again. He hardly noticed the tears spilling over and mixing with the water nor how his hands started shaking when he ran them through his wet hair – he was focused solely on the fact that she was just outside in their living room, wrapped safely into her favorite blanket, sketching.

She was safe.

And she had stayed with him, even when she hadn't remembered him. She barely knew him and still she trusted him and it was that thought that made him so hopeful for whatever came their way in the future. They would find their way.

Suddenly he desperately needed to see her, feel her, to make sure he hadn't dreamed the last day up in his head.

Turning the water off, he toweled himself off and got dressed as quickly as he could while trying to ignore the building pit in his stomach. Not that he was having luck with that.

When he stepped outside – his hair still wet and his shirt clinging to his damp body – his breath caught in his throat as he took in the scene in front of him, an exact copy of his worst nightmares.

Jane was standing at the kitchen counter, staring down at something small that she was holding in her hands. Only when she looked up did he see the tears in her eyes but his eyes stayed on the shiny object she was fiddling with – her wedding band.

Kurt was still standing several feet away from her and a part of him that sensed her distress wanted to close the distance, to sooth her and take care of her like he had promised but the other part… That part flashed back to a moment in their not-so-distant past and froze him in place.

He remembered the hurt and betrayed look on her face then, could hear her words still ringing through his head and he couldn't make himself move towards her, he could barely open his mouth to talk.

"Wh- What are you doing?", he asked her, taking a shaky step and immediately regretting it, seeing the room spin in front of his eyes. Still his eyes never wavered from her.

Jane's eyes widened when she realized how close to panicking he was and immediately she closed the distance between them. She could hardly see anything through the tears that were still running down her face but she reached out to him nonetheless, scared when he didn't respond to her touch as he had all day.

He stared down at her hand closing around his forearm but his mind was with the ring she was holding on to in her other hand. Closing his eyes, he tried to concentrate on the present, tried to keep his mind from all the possible worst-case-scenarios his mind was conjuring.

"I remember", her shaky voice cut through the static he was hearing and immediately his eyes flew up to meet hers, holding his breath when he saw anger reflected in them. It seemed to be directed more at herself than at him and despite his body having shut down, he frowned down at her. He didn't understand.

"I re- I remember taking it off", she tried to explain, gripping his arm more tightly in an attempt to steady herself, "An- And I remember how horrible it feels." Her voice broke and, regaining some control over his body, he reached out to take her other hand in his, turning and opening her clenched fist, so he could see the tiny piece of jewelry they had picked out together in a different life time.

Jane shook her head and the motion anchored him once more. Looking up he saw the pain he felt reflected in her expression and he opened his mouth, not sure what he wanted to say, but wanting to say anything at all. She beat him to it.

"I don't remember putting it back on", she told him, her whole body now trembling in synch with his own shaky hands. "I don't remember you putting it back on", she continued, her voice now barely more than a whisper, "And I feel s-so empty without it. Would you- would you put it back on?"

Her question threw him for a loop but, without conscious thought, he reached out to take the ring from her and held it in his hand carefully, as if he was afraid he would break it if he put too much pressure on it.

Taking her hand in his, he was glad when he found her splaying out her fingers at little, just like she had on their wedding day. Slowly he slipped the ring back onto her finger, glad when it went right back into its usual place, as if it had never been gone. He still felt the hole in his heart, though.

"I love you", he told her quietly, earnestly, his hand lingering on the wedding band until the urge to pull her closer got bigger than his need to look at the ring and he wrapped his arms around her firmly, letting the tears he had kept at bay run down his cheek and drip into her hair.

"And I was so scared", he whispered into her neck, glad when her arms came around to hug him back just as tightly and desperately. "Please don't ever take it off again."

"I won't, I promise."

* * *

 **12 p.m.**

Once more Jane was standing naked in front of a mirror.

This time she was freshly showered, trying to decide whether to dry her hair or let it air dry. Small things like this, with close to no actual relevance made her wonder just how much she did the things now like she always had. Had she been a hair dryer person? A rub-a-towel- through-your-hair person? Or an air dry person?

Going through the essentials on the bathroom rack now she found mostly dark make-up, eyeliner and mascara and again she wondered whether Kurt liked it when she put it on or if he didn't mind her post-hospital no make-up face. She grinned at the thought of asking him about it, already having an inkling of what he would say.

With a sigh she put the small tubes back on the shelf and ran her towel through her short hair anew, deciding to use the hair-dryer since they were about to go to sleep and she didn't want to wake up on a wet pillow. She was also hoping she would get to cuddle up with her husband and she didn't want him having to deal with her cold, wet hair.

Her mind went back to the agony she had seen on his face when she had taken off her ring and she felt guilty for having put it there.

She couldn't put her finger exactly on why she had done it but in that moment it had felt so absolute and final. She had needed him to be the one to unjumble that mess her mind had become after that memory, had needed his reassurance that they were really okay and not as broken as they seemed in that short fragment she had remembered.

It was all good now. Her ring was exactly where it was supposed to be, grazing the fourth finger on her left hand and she appreciated it more now than she ever had. She knew she belonged here, belonged with him, as certain as she knew she needed the air around her.

Her eyes dropped to her pajama that was sitting next to Kurt's t-shirt that she had used once already to calm her nerves today and a mischievous smile spread on her head when, instead of taking her clothes from the edge of the bathtub as Kurt would undoubtedly expect , she pulled on his shirt and nothing else.

One last time she took in the sight of herself in the bathroom mirror and, taking a deep breath, she opened the door and stepped out of the bathroom and into their bedroom.

When she entered Kurt was staring at his phone in concentration, though a small smile was grazing his lips, and upon picking up on her presence he started talking, without looking up.

"Do you think you could help me out with these emojis? Bee always gets so happy when we send her some but that's always been your job. Wo-", he stopped mid-sentence when he looked up and found her only few feet away. "Didn't I give you your pajama?", he asked instead, clearing his throat and trying to look anywhere but at her exposed legs.

"You did", Jane grinned innocently, plopping down on the bed next to him – close enough so he could smell her freshly showered hair but not quite touching. "But I wanted to wear your shirt. I mean, if that's okay with you."

He met her eyes at that and she could've sworn she saw a blush creep into his cheeks beneath his stubble. "Yeah, it's okay", he answered, making a move to get up but she wouldn't let him get away that easily, so she tugged him back to the bed on his hand, letting her own hand linger on his wedding ring.

"Why won't you look at me?", she asked him with a frown, her head crooked to the side as she watched him intently, "Because I know that it's not because you don't want to look at me." Leaning forward a little bit further, she leaned her forehead against his, enjoying his shaky, accelerated hot breaths against her skin. "Why won't you kiss me?"

Instead of an answer he closed the remaining distance between them and met her lips, kissing her as desperately as she felt and, as if they had never done anything else, her left hand came up to his neck, pulling him even closer to her while her right hand stared nestling with the hem of the shirt he was wearing. Before she could so much as slip her hand underneath it, he had already broken the kiss, his body now further away but still close enough for her to hear his frantically beating heart.

Jane huffed in frustration, pulling her hands back and resting them in her lap instead, nestling with her ring. "Why do you keep doing that?", she asked him, meeting his bright blue eyes unwaveringly, "I have… I have all these things resting just beneath the surface and they feel so… right", now it was her time to start blushing, "If you're worried you're taking advantage of me, I promise you you're not. I want this. I want you."

"Jane", he interrupted her gently, inching a little bit closer and taking both of her hands in his, effectively stopping her from fidgeting, "That's not what this is about. Or", he added with a shrug at her disbelieving look, "Or at least that's not all that this is about."

"Then what is it about?", she wanted to know, "Because I know enough about you to know that you want me, too."

"Of course I want you", Kurt gave back, raising her hands to his lips and pressing a kiss to each one, "I always want you but, Jane, have you looked at yourself?"

Of course she had. She frowned at him, trying to figure what he meant because she was pretty sure she hadn't changed during her coma.

"You're covered in bruises", he explained with a sigh, letting go of her right hand to caress the one on her cheek, "They're mostly fading already but you also have two broken ribs that thankfully didn't puncture your lung. You're having headaches corresponding to memories you're regaining after you've lost them and you wouldn't even let me take you back to the hospital to get you checked out."

"You're such a boy scout", she muttered under her breath, no malice in her voice but instead a tiny smile on her lips when she reached out to cup his cheek gently.

He returned the smile and leaned into her touch, rubbing his stubble over her hand to tickle her, "As much as I want you, I want to make sure you are good even more. I need to make sure that you're okay because I cannot fathom losing you."

For a moment they stayed like that, looking into each other's eyes and enjoying the other's touch. Jane felt his warm words surround her like a blanket, felt them fill her heart and soul with a fuzzy feeling that let her stomach flutter with butterflies yet again.

"I love you", she told him earnestly, slowly running her hand down his cheek until it was resting on the back of his neck, letting her finger toy with his short hair.

His returning smile told her that this was exactly what he had needed to hear as it lit up the entire room and chased away the shadows that had crossed his features when he had talked about her injuries.

"I love you, too", he replied, leaning forward to kiss her gently.

She melted against his lips, still feeling them on hers even when he had already pulled away again.

"What do you say we get some sleep now?", he asked her lightly, pulling her up with him so he could pull the covers away, chuckling slightly when she jumped right back under them and looked up at him with her big green eyes, patting the side next to her.

After turning the lights in the room off, he settled in next to her, relishing in the feeling of her body curled around his. A feeling he had been denied for the last three days. He pulled her closer and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

Jane was already drifting into a light slumber when she felt his hand start rubbing random circles on her back and felt his lips on her forehead, and before she knew it, she was fast asleep.

* * *

 **1 a.m.**

The longer she lay there staring at the ceiling in the dark room with Kurt breathing evenly next to her, the more she felt herself begin to panic.

They were coming back.

All of her memories were raining down on her, flickering through her mind in a hazy blur and leaving her reeling. If she could've moved even one muscle she would've tried to wake up Kurt, to have him help calm her down but as it was she could only lay there, trapped in her own body that refused to listen to her commands.

It was everything Kurt had told her about and then some more. It was heartbreak and loss and love and family and it all happened in less than five minutes, giving her no time whatsoever to take them in and figure them out. All of the sudden they were just there, ambushing her without warning or time to react.

They didn't come in any particular order.

She would see an image of herself on a night out with Tasha and Patterson but before she could grasp it, her mind would shove a sequence of Tasha shooting her in her face, making her question the warmth she had felt just seconds before.

Kurt would kiss her forehead only to arrest her right afterwards. Patterson would dance at their wedding and suddenly she was in a hospital, coding in surgery. She would be tortured, felt the burn of the electric chair only to wake up to the smell of pancakes in this very bed.

Then it stopped.

The onslaught of new old memories came to a halt and at the same time her headache returned to its usual background pounding.

All that was left was her in their bed with a head full of unsorted puzzle pieces. Slowly she started unjumbling them, her husband still sleeping soundly next to her.

Jane had her eyes closed, thankful for the firm arm that Kurt had kept on her waist throughout the night, glad it steadied her when everything else seemed to come crumbling down and at the same time come back to her. She felt a few tears slip out from under her eyelashes and let them run down the side of her head without moving.

She wasn't yet done sorting through all the new information when a small, quiet scene knocked the breath out of her completely and once more she felt as if she was falling. Her head was spinning. Kurt hadn't told her about this but he would've… if he had known, right? Did he not know or did he only want to save her more heartbreak? Was it… was it even possible?

Instinctively her hands wanted to reach out but she clenched her fists, using all her willpower to let them stay where they were as her heart began racing and she tried to search her mind for anything that could give her a clearer idea of what she had seen. A time reference, for example.

It couldn't be, right? She couldn't… and at the same time she felt her heart contradict her mind.

"Kurt", she whispered, turning around to shake his shoulder urgently, "Kurt."

Almost immediately his arm tightened around her waist and before he was even fully awake he had already turned on his back and sat up, halfway. "What is it, Jane? Are you okay?"

"I… I don't know", she choked out, grabbing his arm now that they were both sitting so she wouldn't fall because she felt lightheaded again.

"What's wrong? Did you remember something?" The worry in his voice and his hand that came up to pull her closer to him so he could see her eyes even in the dark room, made her body shake that much harder.

She tried to get her bearings together, to form a coherent sentence and to not worry him more than he already was.

"Can you turn on the lights?", she asked him and when he seemed reluctant to lean away from her, she gave his hand a slight squeeze and pushed him towards his bedside lamp, thankful when the light illuminated the room, taking with it some of her anxiety.

Kurt turned around again, looking her over, the frown on his forehead only deepening when his eyes fell on her tearstained face but instead of crawling to him for comfort, she very slowly, shakily got out of bed and turned to the closet, following the movements she had just remembered.

"Jane, what are you looking for? Please talk to me. Did you remember something?"

He was coming up behind her, not reaching out but giving her space as he watched her pull open the bottommost drawer and squat down to rummage through its contents.

Her hands came in contact with the small cardboard package and just like that she grew calmer again. Though calm might've been too strong of a word but she felt herself concentrate on what she knew she had found and it gave her back some of the control over her body.

Slowly she turned around, clasping the package in her hand as she looked up at her husband, standing a few feet away, his body completely rigid, on highest alert.

"I- I remember", she told him shakenly, taking a step towards him, and held out the carton she remembered stashing away so carefully just hours before the attack had left her to bleed out on the sidewalk and she had ended up at the hospital without memories. She knew she had felt as nervous and uncertain and equally thrilled then as she did now but had wanted to wait for him.

Now, above all, she was scared.

"What is th-", he started saying but then his confusion melted and instead he simply stared at her, eyes wide, just as afraid to hope as she felt.

"It's a pregnancy test", she told him unnecessarily, tightening her hand around the test as she tried to stay calm and swallow the lump that had started forming in her throat. "I didn't take it", she continued, her voice little more than a whisper with her hand reaching out to rest on her stomach as she had wanted to do so many times today. She had thought she was still stuck in the past but what if… what if her heart remembered her future even when her mind couldn't?

"Say something", she pleaded when he stayed quiet and she blinked away the tears that started blurring her vision.

Taking a step forward, he did the only thing he could think of and pulled her into his arms, letting her shaking body rest against his for as long as she needed.

"I don't know what to say", he admitted, trying to stay strong for her, to keep her steady when all he wanted to do was curl them into a ball and hide from whatever would happen next. He was so scared.

"I probably lost it during the attack, right?", she sobbed into his shoulder, immediately biting her lip to keep back another sob, "There's no way I'm-" She couldn't bring herself to say the words, couldn't even for a second imagine that fantasy because she was too afraid to hope. "We never really talked about having children."

Kurt nodded and, taking her face in both of his hands, leaned down to press a gentle kiss to her lips, pouring his own fear but also his hope in it, hoping she would understand.

"Do you want to have a child?", he asked her, pulling back just enough so he could meet his eyes, "I mean, another one?"

She thought about the question, though, if she was being honest she knew the answer. Had known it ever since she had woken up and had been told that her pregnancy was over, had felt it with every instinctual movement of her hand to her belly. So she nodded. "Do you want another one?"

His thumbs rubbed slow circles on her cheeks when he peered down at her with a smile slowly spreading on his lips, "There's nothing I want more."

"Okay. That's… that's good, I think, I-", she started rambling, staring down at the pink package in her hands before looking back up at Kurt with wide eyes, "I'm so scared", she whispered, "What if-"

"Then we'll try again", he cut her off, his certainty easing some of the pain that was filling her heart. "And we still have each other. We'll always have each other."

The next five minutes were the worst she had ever had and when the time on the counter told them they could look, Jane couldn't bring herself to open her tightly shut eyes to find out for certain because what if it said negative?

What if it said positive?

"Jane, do you want me to go looking?", Kurt's voice pulled her from her inner monologue and she realized in that moment, when she looked up to see his face wearing the same anxious mask that hers was, that he was right. They always had each other.

She would always have him and whatever happened, that would be enough, because even when he was scared himself, he would always try to lift as much weight from her shoulders as he possibly could, carrying the whole world in his own shoulders instead.

Instead of answering she stood up from where she had sat on the edge of the bed and walked over to where he had been pacing, closing the distance between them until her body was flush against his. Very confidently she took his face in both her hands and kissed him on the lips. It was a hard, determined kiss and when she pulled back again she told him, with all her certainty, that she loved him.

"We should do this together. As a team."

Kurt took the first step, Jane's hand clasped tightly in his when took the tiny pink stick into his other hand and stared at it – two lines where staring back at him.

Jane's eyes had turned wide and her mouth was forming a perfectly shaped 'O' when she looked at the stick, back at her husband and then back at the stick again before the reality of what she was seeing caught up with her.

"We're pregnant", she exclaimed into Kurt's shirt, half crying, half laughing, as his strong arms came around her waist, picking her up from the floor and whirling her around in the small room.

"We're going to have a baby", he whispered against her lips when he set her back down.

As he held Jane – and their child – in his arms now, he realized once more just how close he had gotten to lose them and it made him hold on that much tighter and swear a little more fiercely to protect both of them against the rest of the world. When he looked down at her, he found the same determined protectiveness reflected in her eyes.

They wouldn't let anyone hurt their family ever again.

 **THE END**

 **A/N2:** I'm sorry I didn't resolve the Roman issue but honestly, I can't think of a happy ending for that one and it's breaking my heart.


End file.
